Roy Halladay fucking cruised his way through another breezy complete game, his 8th on the year, but the new kid in town, Dominic Brown aka THE BROWN DOMINATOR, is going to be hoggin' most of the TBSS spotlight in this post. Roy, we know you're the shit. Take this blog off and have a mai-tai. Give the new kid some face time, will ya?
So, this new kid, Dominic Brown gets called up from Lehigh Valley cause The Flyin' Hawaiian strains his left oblique. Supposedly this kid is hot shit. I guess his first at bat he smoked a double off the right field wall for an RBI double. Yeah, I know....Jason Hey-what? Hey-who. Move the fuck over beef-oven cause The Brown Doublenator is in town. The kid who's ears have been burning all season long in regards to Jayson Werth trade talks, Ibanez replacement issues, how he's the one untouchable prospect treasure we have in AAA or how he's like Darryl Strawberry without the fucking sass-back or baggage finally gets his start. You name it, if it involved Phillies upgrade talks, D Brown was first name to be bandied about. It was kind of like when Little Lupe was first on the Howard Stern Show. Do you remember when the innocent little Latin porn queen made her first appearance? "Vagina poooooooooosey".
2 Ribbies, 2 hits and a standing fucking ovation. This was his fucking major league debut, that's how anticipated this kid's been. The hottest of Phils commodities of the farm system finally gets to show the rest of the free world, or nerds who don't read the scouting reports (not me), what kind of impregnating he can do. The newbie helps push the offense to support the always wondering Halladay to smashed the D-backs 7-1; his 11th W, the Phil's 7th consecutive, their 10th at home. He's got a nice swing with a good follow-through. Contributor Chuck Meehate thinks it's akin to the swing of one Chase Utley. Let's fucking hope so.
Sure, it was his first game so I'm not gonna call this kid The Messiah. He did a fucking great job on his first appearance and fucking pulled the sack together to fill in the for irreplaceable Victorino. But yeah, he'll slump. Everyone fucking does, and yes we will bust his sack about it. Hard. He's not fucking Ryan Howard yet, Followers, but he is humble and he is looking good. I'd love to see this kid waltz into town and smash all life in his way with the thunder of Oprah's mudflaps, who wouldn't? The kid still has to show longevity under pressure and the resilience it takes to go through the Philly ringer in the worst of times. Like I said, we're gonna break his stones when it gets tough. It's just the way we show love. Like a drunk dad. Welcome home. You're still not getting the Hoagie Of Heat until you do this at least 2 more times. Let that be a motivator.
I'm also not gonna dis our dependable workhorse veterans either, Follower's. Brown wasn't the only bag of flaming shit on the D-backs doorstep. Fucking Jayson Werth, who' s seemed to have woken from his offensive beauty sleep, went 3-4 scoring 3 runs, the Lanscaper Of Sanity bashed in 3 RBIs with 2 doubles and Polanco's head womped in a man. Not to mention The Roy-Toy who whiffed fucking 9 and walked not a single motherfucker. A team fucking effort.
So, according to league sources the Oswalt trade to Philly is a go and it doesn't involve The Rooster Jayson Werth. Supposedly J.A. Happ is gonna be the sacrificial lamb to bring the Astro's ace to town, all we're waiting on is a response from the Oswalt camp on whether or not he's gonna waive his no-trade clause. This could be a smart move for both parties involved. The Phillies who now are in the midst of a pennant race again with the rejuvenated offense are in need of another "sure thing" type arm. Another guy of the Cole Hamels+ calibre to take us down the stretch. Houston, who would reportedly get Happ and Lakewood 1st baseman Jonathan Singleton, are trying to rebuild. My honest opinion on Happ is that he's not ready to start destroying this year. He's still green and the scabs are still falling off his April arm strain. I really don't see him be an effective tool in any rotation this year, especially ours in a pennant stretch. But next year the kid could be lethal. Given the proper time he could blossom into a death hound. Houston's as good as any place to start over, that's their whole idea. Fuck it, they suck. Sell off the goods and get some promising young fucks who could do damage when they get their footing again.
The last I heard, Oswalt DID NOT want to pitch in Philadelphia. His main preference was, we all know, the Cardinals as they seem a dead lock for post season play. I hope if we acquire him he doesn't turn into a woman's underwear catalog. The fucking Phillies have just as much a chance of seeing the post season as anyone. It's not our fault we don't have The Reds to play patty-cake with every other day. The NL east has proven to be a bit more of a challenge for the wounded Fightin's this season but with all the fucking snake bite we've still held it together. No whiners in these ranks. If you get tossed here, make a note of it. Play your ass off for your millions. Also, if this was all bullshit then fuck it... a bad source is a bad source.
I was in Sydney yesterday to talk to some Americans about letting my kid be one, too. On our way to the American Building we saw this sitting on a bus stop bench. Class.
Tonight we go for sweep numero dos in a row with Kendrick on the mound. If he's half as potent as he was his last start against Jiminez we'll be shitting daisies! Let's keep takin' it to the streak. Fuck new york and teach your children/junkies how to use a trash can.
JSIII
My Dad has a theory that Victorino faked his oblique strain as a way of getting Dominic Brown called up. The theory is that he and Charlie put their heads together on that one. Vic's struggling, wants the team to win, and he figured the best way to keep his buddy Werth on the team was to take a dive. Otherwise, he'd have nobody to watch his UFC matches with. Charlie wanted the burst of youth to kick the team into high gear, so it worked for both of them. Who knows? My Dad says a lot of stupid things.
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