Wednesday, July 28, 2010

July 27 2010 PHI v ARI Game 1. Ups And Downs And Phils And Clowns

Regarding yesterdays post....

Australia, for all the beauty that she emanates, still has yet to catch up to the internet technology standards of Laos 2004. Please excuse the brevity of our coverage of the sweeper of the Colorado series. 

Sincerest apologies,
You Editor

Last night's game was a fucking doozy, Followers,so I'm not gonna be cute with a witty introductory paragraph, there's too much to tackle. Let's rip right into 'er.....

Cole Hamels had a rocky fucking start yesterday, F's. Thing's had been going great for li'l Colio but the tide turned against him immediately in his 31 pitch first inning of the Arizona series opener, loading the bases with bad pitches missing their intended spots. He walked in the first run of the game but got out of a potentially fucked situation with only mild bruising. I'll take 1 run in on a bases loaded situation with a team that is more than capable of roping the long ball any day of the fucking week. We got off light, me thinks.

After floundering with men in scoring position for 2 innings, The Phils struck back in the 3rd on a Ryan Fucking Howard RBI to tie the game and then later in the inning took an early lead when D-Back's starter, Rodrigo Lopez (ex-Phil) walked in the go ahead run. Whoopsy. Almost instant Karma.

This lead was quickly fucking erased the very next frame by a Marc Reynold solo skee-ball to dead center. The lead crept back in the favor of The D-backs on a 2 out fucking single the very next inning. This happens a fucking lot in case you missed the game. I hope you're starting to feel as frustrated in the male (penis) as I did. It may have been more dramatic in real time but who the fuck am I to say?

It only took 105 at-bats but it finally showed up in the  inning as Jayson Fucking Werth, The Rooster, smoked a 2-run jack in to dead center to take the lead back from the Bags, 4-3.  The last jack from Werth was on June 23st, it took my man over a month to find number 14 for the year. The word streaky does no justice but fuckin' a, Rooster. Good to have you back. Roos went 2-4 with 2 walks, a single and said jackaroonie.

Now of course we have to volley the fucking lead back to Arizona like some game of retarded badminton to make this more fun/suicidal and David Herndon comes through with a little help from the Big Piece. The newby Herny gave up a lead off single and a walk to start the frame, paving the way for a grounder to Howard to turn from simple dp ball into a bases loaded situation due to Piece's hacked throw to Valdez at second. A sac fly next brings in the tying run only to have a second dp ball goes rolling to Polanco. Polly scoops the ball, applies the tag to the runner headed to second then flips to Howard to end the inning. Only problem is that the second base ump had a different idea of what "tagging the runner" fucking looked like. Dingus claimed Polly's tag was fucking off and another faggoty run crossed the plate. One more eye and he'd be a fucking cyclops.... 5-4 D-backs.

Now who else but hot-to-trot Raul fucking Ibanez could come into a 2 out situation with Choochie at 3rd to knock in the tying run? Maybe Don Rickles or George Washington, 2 great guys. Regardless that ribbie openes the whorehouse door for today's Hoagie of Heat award winnner, RYAN FUCKING HOWARD, to step to the plate and do his fucking thing. The belly of the beast goes the ball and the game is fucking 7-5, Phils. Like I says.....Piece just doing his thing, he can chuck one more award on his cluttered mantle!

Top of the seventh with Danyz Baez working on the mound, a pop-out to Shane Victorino who makes the catch turns from routine to a fucking continuation of this season's nightmare. Shane is pulled from the game due to a left oblique strain. This is shit. The meager silver lining to this shit taco is that this may be the final straw to bring up Dominic Brown, or as contributor Scotty has dubbed him, The Brown Dominator. There really is no other option at this point, especially if Werth gets dumped off in an Oswalt trade. This is looking less likely because Oswalt has stated he doesn't even ant to come play in Philly like the Whiner he is so we'll fucking see, won't we?

If Oswalt stays put we could Push Werth to center and have Gload and Francisco work out the RF duties together but I really think that takes a big pitch hitter out of the situation if need be in an already almost bare cupboard. Bring up the Dominator, what the fuck can it hurt? If Werth does go for Oswalt in the end this will mean we have a young-blood in right or center and Benny Francisco pulling full time shifts until Vic is recovered. Yes we lose another bench hitter but what can you do, at least we'll have a new arm. Barring there is even necessity for such rash actions. Vic could walk this of in a matter of days, he is a 5' 8" ox.

Now today's minor HOH award has got to go to Cody Fucking Insurance Runs Ransom. He jacked a fucking smoked liner into the left filed seat to bring the tally to 9-5, easing the foot off the bullpen's throat. I guess we can call the minor HOH award something like  the Italian Sausage of Insurance. I like that, we'll go with that. New awards here evey fucking day, F's!!!

Ryan Madson, the Mad-Dog as he is sometimes called, fucking dealt nothing but pain and misery in the top frame of the 9th, sittin' 'em down 1-2-3. Game 6 of the winning streak is in the bag, the 9th straight at home. Boo. Fucking. Yah. Fuck. Stick.Can you hear it, Braves? We're only 3.5 game behind you now....You can hear it. The sound of ignorant bowels quivering. Roy-Boy's got mound tonight and we got the confidence to get it done.

Lastly, TBSS would like to pay tribute to a fallen longtime Neil Young sideman and Nashville fixture, Ben Keith, who passed away Monday at age 73. Keith first pulled lap-steel guitar duties for Neil on the Harvest album in 1973 as a memeber of the Stray Gators which spawned a life-long friendship and musical kinship that lasted over 4 decades. The last time I saw Neil in Sydney Benny was behind the lap-steel fucking it up like the man only can and it really struck what a crucial element to the sound he produced. The signature sound of his playing danced like tears on crystaline in a perfect world. This is a real loss in an already depleted musical climate. We leave you with one of my favorite Neil tracks that Keith did his thing on, "LA" from the album Time Fades Away. RIP BEN KEITH.


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