Sunday, July 18, 2010

July 17 2010 PHI v CHC Game 3. Running Like Theives

More like Geovany Blowmo, huh, Followers? This game was truly in the back pocket of Lou and the Suicide Squeezers until the newly activated Placido Fucking Polanco shoved a 2 out, 1-0 count fastball back up the ass of Brad Lidge impersonator, Carlos Marmol to tie the game at 1-1 in the top of the 9th. The line-drive off Polly's bat sailed straight at Scrubs left fielder, Tyler Colvin, who got a great throw off that would've surely gunned down Brain Schenieder at home if it weren't for Geovany Soto's botched catch, leaving the ball in the third baseline as he tagged out breathless Schniedy. Sorry, dickdog, you cant get 'em out if you don't got the ball.

Marmol went on next to walk J-Roll, during who's at-bat he throws the ball away for Ross Gload to steal home making the game a 2-1 affair, then intentionally walks Big Piece loading 'em up to get to sure taken 3rd strike Jayson Werth. Yeah, that kind of only works if you can get that 3rd pitch over the fucking plate. Dingleberry Marmol walks fucking Werth, effectively breaking Rooster's 90,000 at-bat RBI drought and brings home Polanco to make it a 3-1 business lunch. Byebye, Marmey.

James Russell comes in for the Scrubs to give up one final single up the first baseline to Raul Fucking Ibanez and then gets out of the hellish, nightmare inning by grounding out Cody Ransom. 4-1. Finally.

Then of all people to show up a hack of The Hack, the King of Pressure Buckling, Brad Fucking Lidge comes into the bottom of the 9th and closes the fucking game down for the baby bears without much incident. Que that fucking stupid Alanis Morissette song. It's like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a decent closer. Isn't it ironic? What do you think Willie Dee?

Sheeeeit, I know I need some pussy. How bout that pretty looking muthafucker, Cole Hamels? He pitch aight, idn't he? I need some pussy....

Yeah, I forgot to mention that through the first 8 innings of this game, Cole Hamels, pitched like a mad cunt. You see I'm trying to speak more like an Australian. It's fun. You just curse a lot and add a y or o to every thing. Like this: Cole-o threw the fucking piss outta that fucking rip-snorta. He grew a fuckin' pair foinally, mate. Good onya, Ham-o, let's get brekkie this satdee or sundee, ya cunt willya? Yeah, it makes no sense. Bottom line is that Cole Hamels has seem to have shaken off the dress that's been plaguing him since march 2009. He has a dick and knows it. He's starting to use it. Good shit.

So, we finally manage to steal one away from the perennially unvictorious in a most insulting manner. Seems only fitting and just after hurting my feelings so badly by lighting up Jamie Moyer. One day when Jamie's pitching to Ryan Theriot's kid, he might just send that 58 mile-an-hour fastball right between his eyes almost breaking his sunglasses. What goes around comes around, frog.

With this win and the coinciding losses by atlanta and new pork The Fuckin' Fightin's have snuck back into 2nd place, 4.5 games out of first and 1.5 out of the wildcard. This is fucking astounding news for a man without much in his life but hopes and dreams that weigh so heavily upon the actions of strange men. I truly am a sad sack of shit. It's a pretty good place to be at 28 years old. Tonight we got the nation's eye and Roy Halladay on the mound under the vaguely powerful lights of Wrigley Field. It's our best chance to stick it back up Piniella's ass. I say if he sends Starlin Castro home again on a suicide or steal that we fit Choochie with something he probably already pretty handy with, a butterfly knife and a license to slice aka 25 dollars and a nod. We'll see how it all pans out. Until next time you read, my dear Followers, fuck new york and let's go brewers and giants!!!


1 comment:

  1. Another win where they dont do squat at the plate for most of the game. But, the Knaves and Mutts also have been weak at the plate, so the game plan is to hang in there until everybody is back and hope to hell Werth, Vic and Rollins snap out of it. Howzabout getting Doc some runs to work with today, eh?