Friday, July 30, 2010

July 29 2010 PHI v ARI Game 3. 8 Is Great And The New Assassin

Morning, Followers! In the most fucking bizarre and unlikely pitcher's duel between Kyle Kendrick and some fucking dude on the D-Backs, The Phils managed to squeeze their 8th straight win thanks to Exxon Valdez and his 3-hit, hot-shit perfromance. It ony took the Fightin's 11 fucking innings to get it doen but THEY GOT IT DONE. That's all that matters at the end of the night. 2.5 back, motherfuckers. Oh and......

The homestand sweep, first time since '92!

The game was an odd affair, filled with boring 1-2-3 inning delivered by both pitchers in a battle of the mediums. No offense to KK and the boys for their effort but it was almost like watching a womens soccer match. It was a scoreless affair until the bottom 5th when the Fucking Landscaper of Sanity, Carlos Ruiz roped in Cody ransom from first with a double cracking the nil-nil scoreline. I was so excited that I sang some corny chant and then spun around while jumping up and down waving a flag or some shit. Then I sat back down and continued to knit a scarf.

The Fucking Raul brought things to life again with a lead off solo jack in the 6th to brings things to a head at 2-0. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLL!! I hate soccer.

KK did his sloppy ace thing unti the top 7th when the shit and the balls started to fly. He gave up a 2 strike homer to D-backs Miguel Montero and then a single to Marc Reynolds. For once Chollie must've heard me screaming TAKE HIM THE FUCK OUT!!!! throught my shitty internet connection. Kendrick has been mercurial at best in these last few months and we all know that, just like Blanton, when it starts to rain jizz, it starts to fucking poor. He did his job. 1 hit in 6 1/3 innings on a billion pitches thrown. Good work to you, laddy.

Mad Dog Madson must not have had his Wheaties because he did not come into the top 9th like a champion. He immediately gave up a lead off double to Justin Upton which eventually became the tying fucking run once J.C. Romero got brought in to get out of the situation. Romero gave up a single, a grounder RBI andwalked 2 but somehow got away by the skin of his ass with a bases loaded double play to end the fucking inning.

It wasn't until FUCKING WILSON EXXON VALDEZ came to the plate in the bottom 11th with 2 hits on the night already to fucking send Cody Ransom, who also had a multi-hit affair, sliding around a tag at home on a fucking dingleberry single. Of course Valdez gets the Hoagie of Heat! Who the fuck else would? Game fucking over 3-2. Bring on Washington. It's like fucking home away from home playing down there!

Which brings me to the topic of Roy Oswalt and his recent fitting for the Red Pinstripes. Yes, you all know this is big but really you have no idea how big this really could be. He is a Phillie and he is ready to win. Thats all he wants. He doesn't want BS stats or a wins record and his whining has vanished, Os wants a fucking ring. He's even said as much:

"I'm at a point in my career where I just want a chance to get back to the World Series like I did in '05 with Houston," he said. "I'm excited to be going to Philly. I love watching Roy Halladay pitch and I think with him and [Cole] Hamels the three of us can feed off each other."

Apart from totally dissing Kendrick and Blanton in this statement (and c'mon, folks, you know he's fucking right about who's gonna do the damage) and realizing that like Lee Harvey-- he will not act alone-- this is what I want to hear from any player. His desire to fucking destroy should surpass all. Fuck stats, get that ring. He starts tonight for the first time with the sacred P on his head like a halo. I want to see some of that fierce determination jizzed all over Washington.

There is also trade whispers going down the lane of maybe Fausto Carmona or Jose Bautista perhaps slipping into a Phils uni before Saturday 4pm. Cleveland and Shapiro are always eager sellers so that seems to be more the likely sinario. KK gets bounced back down leaving only one sorta shakey spot in the rotation in Joe Blanton. Honestly folks, I don't like when he pitches. He still makes me nervous. I'd love to be proven wrong, I really fucking would. I would also like to see Bautista and his 30 HRs playing on my fucking baseball team but I'm trying to remain realistic. We'll fucking see.

I know all of my loyal Followers will be glued to CSN like flies on a braves fan for the Oswalt show and the Kennedy motorcade to roll on by. I'll be at the NLA with my cretins. I want to also come up with his nickname. I have a few ideas. We'll keep them for next time, pricks. Until tomorrow fuck new york and let's bring home numero 9!


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