Friday, July 16, 2010

July 15 2010 PHI v CHC Game 1. What A Fucking Great Start

Fuck, The Phillies sure no how to keep the momentum rolling, especially into the part of the season where we are supposedly The Big Bad Win Monsters. I know all the lovely ladies that call themselves wives to the Phillies fans were really looking forward to a few months off but it looks like punching bags they'll remain. The fear that the entire fairytale, not just the Jamie Moyer Story, is truly coming to a close is afoot and with last night's 6-12 flogging looming it's hard to find the silver lining to this turd. I'm really trying to be positive here but when you get pasted to the wall at the hands of the embarrassing Cubs, the mind starts to wander into foul territory. How cheerful do you fucking expect me to be after watching Starlin (the wrong) Castro fucking steal home in the SECOND FUCKING INNING? Get a job.....

The LawnMoyer Man had everyone believing that this Cinderella-esque story would continue on into the long months of summer but it's looking quite grim for Jamie. I (and most of the first world) was convinced that after bouncing back from pitching batting practice to the Red Sox with stellar performances against the Yanks, Tribe, Jays and Bucs in which he gave up only 7 earned runs combined that it was his fucking year. He had placement and he had sack but in his last 2 starts he's looked about as effective as Rush Limbaugh's dick on pain killers. Something tells me we may be watching the end of Jamie's career unfold right before our eyes if his next start is anywhere as near lackluster as today's. He dropped 6 earned, 5 hits, 2 home runs and 2 hit batters in only 3.0 innings of work to the lowly Cubs and their 12th worst offense in the National League. This saddens your Editor to no end and makes me feel less hope in a world of shit but hey, that's life. It sucks most of the time. I'm just saying I hope Moyer pulls his finger out to last at least until the end of this season and not have to get shelved for the second consecutive season. We'll fucking see.

Do you hear that sound Jayson Werth? Do you know what it is? That's the sound of your Free Agency dollars flushing down the toilet with every  fucking 3rd strike you watch sail by. What the fuck, do you need an invitation to try? I know you're "brushing off trade rumors and playing" but it doesn't seem so. You're head is in the clouds that are up your ass whenever you have a bat in your hands and your average is plummeting faster than your trade value. Sure .284 and 13 HR looks alright. The shit of it is that you've been sitting in the awkward pre-teen years of the homers column since early June. Maybe this is a complex scheme that The Rooster has worked out in his head to stay in town by tanking his numbers. If so, bravo, your an artist, kid. If not then it looks like Ryan Howard is gonna be the only fucking person ringing that bell for the rest of the season cause going 0-3  with 2 Ks and a walk isn't gonna cut the mustard gas. I'm still grateful for your presence, Jay, but you're gonna have to snap out of this horseshit soon or it's bedtime for bonzo. Bonzo is your paycheck.

 J-Roll continues to be a defensive asset through and through and Ryan Howard will always be a powerhouse truly worthy of rulership over this mighty Phillies Kingdom but I really can't say much on the side of good other than what these fellows display in relation to this game. Victorino keeps on poppin' up and the rest of them keep sloppin' up. Fuck, when Ibanez and Wilson Valdez are hitting better than 3 out of the first 5 batters (Ibanez is one of them) at the top of the line up you know the stench is strong. I can only hope Polanco rushes that recover like the bloggers all say he is and maybe a deal bringing Ty Wigginton to town comes to fruition. Fuck, with this line-up and their depleted confidence, voodoo jive-time headfucks batting behind 1 maybe 2 solid starters we may just be stuck without a paddle up a river of semen and feces. This hurts to admit but I can't deny what I see.

The bats sorta came alive in the 8th and 9th but it was too little, too late. Jose Contreras threw the game out of reach with his 5 run 7th inning putrid show of weakness.We scratched and we clawed but a 6-12 loss is all we got. I hope those are the only runs left in the Cubs tank for the rest of this series. We can beat these chumps so easily but we roll over once again for the deplorable NL East.

I'm going to bed early and hope to wake up to a slaughter going the other way this time. Joe Blanton and his Smashmouth looks are on the mound so I am sort of not looking forward to this. See yous all online today at 2:20/my 4:20am. Until the next time I write one of these fuck new york and re-read this post with the song "I Think It's Gonna Rain Today" by Randy Newman playing on repeat. It makes the journey a little easier. Here, I'll even post it for you lazy cunts:


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