Friday, July 9, 2010

July 8 2010 PHI v CIN Game 1. A Big Win And A Few Losses.

Shit, Followers, we got a lot to talk about today. Last night's marathon 12 inning nail-biter/hate inducing fuckfest/joyous walk-off big cock-fest provides lots fodder for Big John to flex verbal nuts over. It was a great game with some seriously murderous-rage inducing relief pitching, touchy-feely foul ball circumstances and one final nut-shot to end the game and capture a fucking win for the Fightin's.

The Good:

Kyle Fucking Kendrick showed some real sack again last night going 6 and 2/3 , 1 earned, 0 BB and giving up only 3 fucking hits to the first place Reds! Fuck, kid, you sure got it when you got it. I want more of this Kyle Kendrick. I want it at least 3 times in a row if you want to stay in the rotation. This fucking look is good on you. Sure you gave up a first inning bomb to Joey Votto but who wouldn't at this point. Moses couldn't strike that fucker out blind-folded.

Fucking Shane Victorino, energized by fan razzing and the support he was pleading for, delivered some fucking show last night. He delivered a 1st inning jack over the right filed wall to start the scoring and continued in the 3rd with a very strange RBI. 

                        What the fuck is going on here, boys?

With J-Roll on 1st, Shane smacks a roller to Golden Boy Joey Votto and he tosses it to  Red's starter Johnny Cueto covering 1st. Shane beats out the throw and gets in front of it, knocking the ball away and the glove off of Cueto's hand. Victorino makes a trot toward 2nd but turns around and beats Votto's second throw to Cueto which is dropped anyway because it smacked him in the cup. All during this buttfuck J-Roll manages to score from fucking 1st base. 

Victorino was promptly picked-off by Cueto before he even threw another pitch but Vic still got it done! 2-1.

The Sad: 

Man, would you look at this asshole in the stand getting in Jayson Werth's way as he's trying to catch a foul ball! What a dick, why the fuck didn't he just get the fuck out of Werth's way and let him field the ball that so clearly he would've caught! "GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY!!!" is fucking right! We got ourselves our own Steve Fucking Bartman. What a fat old fuck. Get the fuck out of the way and let our team do it's job. How dare you, you insolent little peon, try to reach for a foul ball headed directly at your son's head and if not caught by you or Werth could've smashed your stupid son's head all over the stands. I wish it did. Fuck you!

If you are of the same opinion as this last paragraph you are an unintelligent faggot piece of shit and I don't want you supporting my baseball team. You've proven your inability to reason and your sheer lack of kinship with your fellow Phillies fan. You might as might move to Flushing and start sucking Ike Davis's dick because you're no good to anyone of us. 

Sure, Jayson Werth had every right to be angry about this shit. It was boiling hot, extra-innings and he's been hitting like Stephen Hawking. Of course emotions are going to take over but  what he said to one of us was fucking classless. I get it, you're pissed and I would fucking be, too. Now man up and fucking go apologize to someone who looks up to you after you cursed him out for doing something that any of us would've done in that situation. He fucked up by not being aware of his surroundings but thats where it ends, It's no big deal. You were both acting on instinct. You tried to field the ball out of play for a killer grab and he tried to catch a foul ball coming straight at him and his son. Don't be a douche. You're both men. Sign the fucking ball for the kid and let's get on with it. It's not like he was a fucking reds fan. Then you could've burned his house and I would've laughed.

The Fucked:

If you want to kill someone, why don't you find Brad Lidge's address. After giving up a game tying double to ex-Phil Miguel Ciaro in the top of the 9th he's pretty much worn out his welcome. That fucker is literally worthless and has blown his last fucking save in this town. That last sentence would be so much more thunderous if I wielded any fucking power over this situation. He's blown his last 3 out of 4 saves and he's pretty much become the antithesis of his 2008 self. He's pretty much a sure thing as far as failure is concerned. He's out of stuff but you know they won't get rid of him. We're just going to have to either run him out of town Frankenstein style or straight up tar and feather him while sawing his hands off.

And on a note as severe but sour note, Ryan Madson--in his first appearance since his stint on the DL--proves that he needs to go back to little league and learn some fucking fundamentals after throwing a strike 3 wild pitch that allowed a runner at second base to score in the top of the 8th to tie the game. You looked fucking great striking out motherfuckers until you threw a sinker that got away from Schneider and decided to NOT FUCKING COVER HOMEPLATE!!!!! What the fuck, Mad-dog? That's like Baseball 101. Even my stupid Arab wife yelled "cover home plate, asshole!" while this shit went down. You got good stuff, let's stick to the fucking game plan here. Get your head out of your ass.

The Man:

The Hero Of The Fucking Night Award has to go to the game winning, solo walk-off home run hitting, local sensation that's sweeping the....region, MOTHERFUCKING BRIAN SCHNEIDER!!!!! Who the ruck else would hit that bullet into the seats in right to close out this grueling marathon but this prick! What a champ, this goofy smiled motherfucker! After 3 extra innings of wallowing at 3-3 due to The Lidge Problem this man delivers the nuts and gave the kids their fireworks. Good show, my man! Good fucking night! 4-3. Byebye.

Blanton is looking for success. So is everyone. Let's hope the one of us that shops in the husky section finds it tonight. Fuck new york and fuck atlanta! They got each other at citifield for the next 3 nights. What a cute couple. Any result is a good one for the Phils, we just gotta keep winning and we're golden. Stay hateful and love your fellow Phan, My loyal and abiding Followers! That's what it's all about.


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