I've decided a few things, Followers. For one, whenever the Phils sweep a team I'm going to post this fucking incredible image that was first used back in May when we swept the Brew Crew.
Secondly, I'm instituting a new award to honor a certain player or players who've displayed a profound and considerable excellence on the field. Say J-Roll hits another walk-off or Jayson Werth swings at the ball with RISP and 2 outs. A real hero of the day type jive bullshit. This dubious honor has been dubbed The Hoagie Of Heat and the first player to have the magnificent glory bestowed upon his large scrotum is Brian Schnieder. Schneidy displayed massive amounts of character and testicle in yesterday's victory over the Rockies. His 2 run triple in the bottom 2nd yesterday tarted the offensive fire that launched us over the mountains and into the heavens. Not only did he get 2 big ribbie but he made the Rockies defense look like clowns, falling all over themsevves to get turn a base hit into a fucking tirple. This firmly cements my theory that Phillies catchers are due more fan felatio than any city east of the Mississippi. Things get kind of murky once you cross the big river into cities with names like Mauer and Molina in uniform, crouched behind the plate. Whatever, Brian Schneider, you will be able to look back and fondly remember you were the first to have ahoagie microsoft painted in a phot of you stolen from an AP website.
I don't know what to say about Mr. Lidge that hasn't already been said. His mercurial mound presence has wavered from testicle/ovaries*-in-throat exhilaration to just plane sucking wigger cocks in front of 40,000+ paid customers. He's brings the cliche' of "rollercoaster ride" to dizzying new lows. If yesterday's save were an amusement at Hershey Park it could easily be the marquee attraction. Oh, Fuck Here We Go could be a adequate name for it. Maybe the This Again, Do They Never Fucking Learn? I can't exactly harp too much on this one since he pull the save off but I do feel terribly sorry for those in attendance. He had a 3 run lead going into the top 9th only to open the frame with a lead of double and a fucking sky rocket in flight off the bat of Seth Smith. Confidence? Who needs it?!!! Shit, then he walks Jonathan Herrera. Bowels quivering? Check. Then Carlos Gonzalez singles, then he intentionally walks Jason Giambi. Fuck if you thougt the only way to top yesterday's thrill ride through Lidge-ville was to be diagnosed with cancer you were surely mistaken.
But then just like that he gets Ryan Splilborger to swing a bunt at him and it's over, just like that. I don't know if I can deal with this shit anymore....
JSIII
*We here at TBSS firmly believe that a Brad Lidge save situation is not gender specific. No, my ex-girlfriend majored in Women's Studies.
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