Wednesday, July 21, 2010

July 20 2010 PHI v STL Game 2. Where The Fuck Is The Dawn?

Do you feel that, Followers? That feeling of hopelessness and despair conjured up by the stench of a cheap and fickle front office? You feel it, right? Does it feel familiar? Have you forgotten already? Of course you have, winning heals all wounds and we've had 3 years to remove the casts and scrape away the scars. I know it's been a fair amount of time but this feeling which is remorselessly coursing through our veins at the present time is what it actually feels like to be a PHILLIES FAN! Cursing, contemplating suicide, throwing beer mugs at the wall, drunk on a Monday night alone in your living room because the cops have taken your wife and kids to your mother-in-laws. Wanting to hire Puerto Ricans to murder the reliever that's just blown the fucking game again. Waking up in the morning with a pounding headache and that shitty game from the night before just replaying again and again in your stupid mind all fucking day, driving you almost to the brink of gutting your neighbors dog and children but just as you have the sheers sharpened and ready to flay the next game comes on Prism. Yeah, you know that pang, it's all coming back in fucking style.

The Phillies are now in 3rd place in the NL East, 7 games being the sister rapers in Georgia, and it's all turning pear-shaped. The bedrock of our season is eroding beneath us and all we can do is witness. 

For starters Jamie Moyer, our fearless, ageless wonder who has carried the weaknesses of our pitching staff on his 47-year-old rounded shoulders, has fallen with a sprained left elbow. This is just fucked and sad. We knew it would end but we didn't think it would be so sudden. This has to be the end for dear old Jamie. I just don't see him walking back to the mound after this. Life stinks.

That's just the sad icing on our rotation woes cake. Kyle Kendrick, the ball-less wonder, has been sent back down to triple-a and in his place fucking Adam Carpenter steps in. This is supposed to be adequate? I'm not sure we really made much of upgrade on that fucking deal after watching him in today's game. He's like Kendrick with a fatter, uglier face. This has to be some sort of fucked up, psychotic tip-of-the-hand move from Ruben Amaro Jr (recently dubbed Ruin Tomorrow Jr by some fucking internet genius) that something is at least simmering on the trade front.

On that beaten-to-death note, the rumor winds have been swirling fiercely overnight about a possible 3-way trade that sees Jayson Werth to Tampa, Tampa prospects to Houston and Roy Oswalt to Philly. This would be fucking gangbusters with the recent hole put in the rotation. J.A. Happ is also being shopped around, supposedly, and word is that he just isn't cutting the mustard in terms of rehabbing his arm quickly. Yesterday he did 3 innings at Lehigh Valley. It's not looking promising that Happ will be a shade as ripe as he was last year any time this season. The Pedro Button, perhaps? Yeah, he's old and used up but I'd put my money on him knocking up a stripper before Blanton. If his sperm can cross home plate surely his pitches can do the same. We just need a good kick in the ass and whatever gets it done is fine with me. At least flounder aggressively. We'll see what happens by this weekend.

After all the frustration and grief that's been caused by Jayson Werth, at the end of the day, I'm gonna miss that nu-metal looking goober when he's gone. He was an integral part in the success we've had for the past 3 years and we can't ever forget that. It's too bad it has to end sour.

So maybe things may turn for the better. I can't see how they could get any fucking worse. At present we just plain suck dog-dorks out there. Not even a win for the LawnMoyer Man's could-be final appearance? You fucks are just disrespectful. Time to make some moves or let the old days return.

A little birdie in my ear told me a funny thing today. Supposedly one of the Phillies owners wants to buy out the team but is impeded by the other cheap cunts who own the remaining shares. Supposedly he wants to dump serious moolah onto the fire and win big but the evil ones won't budge. It's time for a hit, me thinks. Where the fuck is Philly's Pablo Escobar? Just a though on a thing I heard, Followers. Here's the list of all the hands in the pot. You do some homework and I bet you'll come up with a hypothesis. Apparently the key word here is Cigar.

Owner(s): David Montgomery, Giles Limited Partnership (Bill Giles), Claire S. Betz, Tri-Play Associates (Alexander K. Buck, J. Maholn Buck Jr. William C. Buck), Double Play Inc. (John S. Middelton)

That's all I really have to say about things. Fuck new york and finger James Hetfield.



If anyone knows where to get me one of those '50 throwback hats like Moyer has on in that photo in a size 7 1/8 I'd be much appreciative. I mean if you buy me one and mail it to me I'd be you friend.


  1. cooperstown collection.

    but i don't think they carry a fitted one.

  2. Yeah, I found the American Needle one but that's a weird fit and the New Era one I found didnt have a white stud atop the hat and the P was a little off. I'm looking for quality, hate companies...

  3. if you can't find a good hat you should go for this sweet throwback philadelphia hebrews jersey...