May 30 2010 PHI v FLA Game 3. The Party Is Over. The Phamine Continues

Put you fucking party hats back in the basement and punch a hoagie down your throat for comfort because the Fightin's are still the swinging dead. Despite being hot on the heels of Halladay's new t-shirt inducing feat of seldom matched brutality we're already residing back in Shitsville. Another game, another shutout, 5 in the last 2 weeks. Yesterdays 0-1 loss to the Marlins was just every bit disheartening as yesterday was inspiring. Most figured the perfecto from Halladay would bolster some kind of moxy from the batting order but yet again we come up blank and it's starting to actually fucking piss me off. It's not as if we savaged the Marlins for Roy-boy either, a lucky error kept that game in the 9 innings frame. We also haven't been facing wildly intimidating opposing pitchers so what's the rub? What has happened to our entire batting order that causes these empty testicles night after night. Something surely has us by the karmic balls when Jayson Werth goes 0 for however many at bats this series, whiffing 4 times alone just yesterday. There has to be a logical explanation for not a measly home run in 60 odd innings from any Phil. Are their wives on a quim strike? Is J-Roll's absence that devastating? Can you lose it like this overnight? Just like that?

I love looking over the severe hyperbole used in internet headlines about how shit the offense has been. Here are a couple of my favs:

"Drawing Another Blank"

"Goose Eggs Galore: Phillies Shut Out Yet Again"

"Remember Yesterday?"

"Did You Know Philly Has A Soccer Team Now?"

"These Fucking Assholes Suck Today" 

Ok, so I made the gentler ones up. What can I say? I'm a kind man. Editorializing like this keeps a man sane in times of drought.  

There is no answer for these questions and that why it is such horseshit. Living on luck gets you far in this game but not all the way. You gotta it out and eat horse-cock sandwiches like the rest of us. Staff contributor Chuck was the first person to call it The Phamine. I've always liked that term, it perfectly sums up the feelings of player and phan alike. They got nothing to feed us. We can't even bitch about starting pitching, not when a 47 year old can make a team of strapping young men look like 3rd place prom queens. We know the muscle and power is there. It's like an AIDS test. Wish and wait. That's all I gotta say about it.

 

                            ME WITH MY NEW HAT AND FRIEND FROM THE LIBRARY!!!!!

 Today brings a new series with The Knaves, a team we easily could savage if we wanted to. This bullshit has to stop now or we drop into second place. Blanton v Hanson....what's it gonna be? 2/3 is on my mind every time they walk into a different park. 

My stupid family are showing up today in Sydney. I get to leave Canberra for a whole 7 hours to pick them up. I feel better already. Perhaps when I return it will be to the sight of my wife and child manning the sole chopper left in the obliterated charred, skeletal remains of this strong nation's capital. I know this fucking Library will still probably we standing. Until tomorrow, Loyal Fightin's Followers, fuck new york and keep the phaith, mmmwaaaaaaaaacka, wacka, wacka.....

JSIII