Sunday, May 2, 2010
May 2 2010 PHI v METS Game 3. Victorino And The Boys Come Through For The Phamily
Oh, happy day! Today is the day that my wife gives me a new thing! Labor Day. This photo of the little lady was taken at her most serene state. About 1 minute post-contraction. Look how peaceful and polite she is, my blushing mother to be! I'm not trying to flex nuts or anything but would you look at the size of that stomach! Thats all fucking me, hopefully.... Needless to say the show must go on but Big John is going to make this a quick yet effective conveyance-crazy-horse of utter hatred for new york even on this joyous of occasions. Let's get the ballgame on the road!
I didn't get a chance to actually watch the game because I was up to my knees in amniotic fluid but I have something I'd like to share with you, the loyal Follower. This was pointed out to me today via At Bat text update in the delivery suite. After watching a replay of the game I amend my original post:
JOHN ALEXANDER SHARKEY IV born: 11:04am AEST
CHASE UTLEY SMASHES DOUBLE: 9:04pm EST
RAUUUUUUUL KNOCKS IN CHUTLEY: 9:11pm EST
CHOOOOOCH GETS AN UNO ON A WALK: 9:14pm EST
MOYER GETS WALKED BY BLOHAN: 9:19pm EST
SHANE VICTORINO HITS GRAND SLAM AGAINST new york mets: 9:20pm EST
The time difference between Canberra and Philadelphia is exactly 14 hours. Do the math, fuckos! BOOYAH! The moment my new thing is born the boys rally and then Victorino jacks one into the fucking heavens against the lowly Blohan Santana. Shit, Carlos could've done a better job on the mound tonight. He needs to change his shitty ways, baby. Not that Moyer left us with any jim-dandy after giving up a 3-run dinlgeberry to David Wright, a man who has owned CPB much to my chagrin for the past several seasons and then another 2-runner to Rod Barahas. Moyer has his season's strategy down to a science, me thinks. He gives up 5 runs and then we try to catch up. Its a fun little game he likes to play with the fans inflicted with cancer. "Will they gain the lead before my bones disintegrate, sir?" I'm sure as fuck not complaining about a 11-5 win from Grampa but shit, my nerves may be shot by July. I have always loved Moyer and his placement over power method of fooling the inexperienced hitter but it's getting to be too much. Jamie, I love ya but give me strength, friend. Good show today, boys, good show. That bats are back for the MAY MASSACRE!
It's also good to see some solid Ricky Fucking Jordan chatter in the comments section, let's keep it up, Followers. It's time the Ricky Jordan Legacy was a thing of reverence and beauty, a real tale of the ages.
Well, my loyal F's I'm cutting it short today. It's time to be a new father in the surest meaning of the term. I have to go stair at a vending machine as my mother-in-law tries to eat my new born with her voice all thw while dodging the coven of witches they hired here and call "mid-wives" for some reason. I've never seen so many purple dye-jobs and name tags that read "Felicity" Thats one of the reason I miss America. When you go to the hospital you get what you expect: doctors, not yoga instructors. Enjoy this snapshit I took of a handy guide on how to open your asshole enough to shit out of it that was in our delivery suites bathroom. I'll have photos of the little man tomorrow. Until then remember to fuck new york and make more Phillies fans with your penis. The Phans must procreate, it's only right and natural. St. Louis this week, baby!
Victorino photo: Getty Images
All other photography: Big John