Sunday, May 9, 2010

May 9 2010 PHI v ATL Game3. 3 Mile Island Not Chernobyl

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY, FOLLOWERS!!!!! What did you get for your mother? Chocolates? Tampons? I almost bought mine a triple bypass today after Hamels' little fiasco called the 5th inning.

Colesy scraped the win today off the bottom of Shane Victiorino's cleats against the less sophisticated Braves in a situation known in baseball as the "close call". Watching Co-co some days is just like watching my newborn after a big feed; you know so serious shit is gonna happen. Staff contributor Scott and I were speaking over that goofy facebook chat and both came up with the same nuclear meltdown analogy stated in the stupid title of today's clog. That's not a good thing, Followers. A walked pitcher, 2 singles, a fielding error by Chut (actually just a bad break and more slop from Hamels. I was listening to the game at this point. F U) that's topped off by another one-sacker all with zero outs doesn't make my heart sing with glee as I watch huddled over my laptop at 4:30 am like some lecherous masturbator. Colio did work out of the mess and kept the damage under the Phil's score line so I only mildly judge the outing as bullocks. A 3 run inning by today's standards of hitting can't exactly nail you to a cross and we still walked away victorious. Everyone still loves Hollywood. Sorta. Thank God for Polly, Rooster and Shane for all going yard on Kawakami. Pray to the long ball. The Knaves were down a bat or two with Jason Heyward out and Chipper Jones needing the day off for a banjo lesson cutting their chances a tad but me thinks the ball would stay on the ground either way. 

 Killer efforts by Durbin, Jose, Jose Quite Contreras, Lidge and the wind for ending the night cleanly. Fucking genius work there. No love or hits lost.

End Result: Phils 5-3. Not a bad show, men. Let's give it to em where you shouldn't be playing baseball, the Rockie Fucking Mountains. Ricky Fucking Jordan say hell yeah!

Tomorrow is the big day for unveiling my video tour of the National Library of Australia!!!!! I took some photos of creeps I see everyday as a primer for tomorrow's illustrious premier. I seriously was flanked today:

I look forward and see this guy lickin' chops. He's probably reading the clog and trying to remember if his girlfriend's size is 000 or 00.

I look right and I am faced with an extra from the George Clooney Batman movie. This guy usually shows up later in the day after all the seats are taken and is left pacing around the computers with his "Hey, I'm horny for boy pussy would someone please hurry the fuck up" look on his face.

This chap just looks scared, like the moshi-moster on the monitor will come and gobble him up. Either that or he knows he's gonna get caught on day.

I bounce. Until tomorrow, Followers, fuck new york and love the woman who shat you out!



  1. I am as happy as the next Phan for the win, taking the series and an overall nice homestand, but Cole Hamels is still pissing me off with his inability to throw even as much as 2 quality starts in a row. After walking the first 2 batters in the 4th on 9 pitches and then getting the next three outs I thought he may have turned a corner as far bouncing back and not letting innings get out of hand, but then he turns around and walks the bloody pitcher (and a Japanese pitcher at that) and the wheels came off. Sharkey, I must correct you as Utz did not commit an error, he almost saved Hamels hide by making a great effort but coming up a bit short. That was one ugly 38 pitch inning. Hamels is now sitting on a 4.53 ERA and a revealing 1.53 WHIP. Not good enough. With Kawakami settling in after his rocky start, the tide of the game seemed to be shifting, but another stellar job by the pen kept the Knaves at bay.

    So, being that the Phils won, I'll be posi and compliment the heroes. Durbin is having himself an understated excellent season so far. He has 86ed the chickenhearted nibbling that hampered him last season and is back to the aggressive challenging of batters that made him so vital to the 2008 pen. Contreras continues to be straight up nasty. Now, I have been one who has advocated that the Phils get younger with their pen and start grooming Mathieson and Tony Bastard for the future rather than bringing in veterans that could be hit-or-miss, but Amaro gets a notch on the belt for grabbing Jose. Cubanos do not raise their kids on a pitch count and to somebody like Contreras, coming out for 1 inning stints is a piece of cake once they get used to it. As far as Lidge, the wind may have kept those first 2 outs in the park and the first one to Hinske was an absolute meatball, but the one Infante hit was actually a good pitch down and in that Infante did a good job turning on. In any case, the end result sure beats that horrid
    routine of 2009 where Lidge promptly puts a batter on, said batter swipes second and the game subsequently ends up in the shitter. Lidges stuff is palpably sharper than last season. All in all, I am digging the A-team of Lidge/Contreras/Durbin. Phils, have a nice flight to Denver, go get them Rockies and I am pretty glad they will miss Ubaldo Jimenez.

  2. Chuck, I stand corrected after watching the replay. I will note it now in the blog.

  3. CRUSH ALL COMERS! One way or another, these boys find ways to win, and I'm cool with that.

    Lidge and Hamels aren't out the woods yet, but I think they may have found the path.

  4. Scott- It aint like Hamels is Eaton, but we are still waiting for him to put together back-to-back quality starts...anyway, as far a the Rox series, looks like the Phils have the luck of the draw as far as pitching matchups as the guys slated for the Rox have some ugly stats thus far. However, games in Denver are fluke prone and even in the worst of times COL does well at home. So, I just take the annual trip there with a let the chips fall mindset but figure that they should take this series

  5. Chuck: Since you brought up Adam Eatin' Dick...

    Lets's have a little fun with some delusional Baltimorons from 2009: