Tuesday, June 1, 2010

May 31 2010 PHI v ATL Game 1. Dad, Who Were Those Men?

Morning, F's. I'm not gonna sit here and continue to harp about the Phil's offensive woes as of late because I'm tired of the slag and it will wear off. I'd like to riff on how last night's 3-9 loss to the braves would be excruciatingly disenchanting had 2 factors not been taken into consideration:

1. We scored runs. Almost as many runs as the entire prior week. It's still a pittance for which we cannot survive but we may see a raise this quarter. Choochie breaking his spell with a 2 run double and Exxon knocking one in was welcomed with arms wide open (gay creed reference) but still a fucking bitch is the fact that the bottom half of the batting order continues to be more effective than the big money. To say that Utley and Howard are do would be like suggesting that someone 14 months pregnant looks a bit uncomfortable. Or is actually an elephant. Whatever scores the numbers, I guess.

2. The Braves were not playing against The Phillies. I wonder how many Ortliebs Chollie had pumped into himself before sitting down with a Slim-Jim and a line-up card to write "Ross Gload" in the lead off spot. Then write down Greg "I'm the most useless fuck" Dobbs right under it. Maybe he was drinking draino. Maybe a person who doesn't really follow the Phils as steadfast as I looked at those names and the rest of the line up and said to themselves "Who the fuck are these guys?" Half the line-up was missing. Maybe Chollie is filling the line up with scrubs to make Ibanez look like Schmidt so they can off-load him some place decent and bring up Dominic Brown? Lotta maybes but not a lot of worries. .5 out of first isn't the worst place we could be sitting.

 Speaking of BS, word around the trade rumour office water bubbler is that Amaro jr may be trying to work a trade with Houston for ace Roy Oswalt. Oswalt, who went public with the dire need to be traded out of the NL Central cellar, was tossed from last night's game against Washington after calling out HP ump, Bill Hohn, for being what I like to call them sometimes "a blind faggot". Seems like he's be embraced with slogan t-shirts and tubs of Graham Slam ice cream to the Philadelphia starting rotation. Who to move is the question because Houston wants prospects not veterans. That kills the Ibanez idea and I'd hate to see Raul spend his twilight rolling around in garbage. Maybe off-load Happ and  Phil Aumont? That empties a spot for him in the rotation and gives Ed Wade some clay to putz with. Happ is good but not great and not too far off from a clean bill. Right now we need a number 2 dead win spot in the 5 man. It would also sit Kendrick down quietly and if Hamels keeps gaining that steam we'd be the fiercest starting pitching rotation in the East. I only ruminate on the starting pitcher trade subject because it looks like our dreams of a Cliff Lee return may be quashed when he ends up in a Cinci uniform like supposed by some many internet dreamers. This is all bullshit anyway.

Lidge is back and Nelly gets designated. Life just ain't fair sometimes. Peace, Figs.

The Marlins are now selling unused tickets from the night Halladay had his perfect. I may pick up a pair and I figure I have a little time since there are about 50,000 unused tickets from any given game at Sun Life.

My day at the Airport!!!!!!

Today I realized why the customs official at Sydney Airport are the cocksuckers of eternity after waiting in the international arrivals lounge. I'm sorry but if you go to another country on a plane and then come back with an oven you, my friend, are an asshole. A-S-S-H-O-L-E.

There was also a strange gaggle of uniformly dressed lesbians being interviewed and cheered back into the country at the other end of the terminal. I wonder what for? Someone told me it might be the Australian women's soccer team but they couldn't be sure since no one on earth cares about the Australian women's soccer team.

Cole's up tonight against Pudson. Maybe the cast of Rent won't be batting again tonight. Until tomorrow fuck new york and genuinely care for your neighbor. 



  1. The thing that gets me is that this kind of suck usually starts around interleague time. Perhaps they surprise us and do well vs the AL. I know one thing, I don't ever want to see Choad and Dobbs batting 1-2 for the Phillies as long as I live.

  2. When we get our left infield back, then I'll start expecting this team to perform again. Trying to stay zen and not set anything on fire just yet.

  3. Womens soccer is a lot more entertaining then Mens

  4. Isn't all soccer women's, Teej?