Friday, May 7, 2010

May 7 2010 PHI v ATL Game 1. The LawnMoyer Man Makes History

Today, followers, we all witnessed Jamie The LawnMoyer Man make history by being the oldest motherfucker to toss a shut-out complete game dethroning Satchel Paige. Moyer, at 47, smoked the fuck out of - I quote staff contributor Chuck Meehan - "those tomahawk chopping piss-ants" giving up only 2 hits off a 105 pitches and 9 innings pitched. Whats up. It was a thing a beauty, watching the ball dance like a Braves fan on check day. Granpa still can get it going for the big show. My bobble-head is raging!

The Knaves came to town not expecting a full onslaught from both fronts. For the second game in a fucking row The Rooster propels a 3-run jack into the stars further feeding the monkey on Amaro jr's back. This man better have a contract, a quill pen and the blood of a virgin waiting for Werth as soon as he gets done at Hooters tonight!

The 5th inning brought more pain for the 'necks in the form of a billion hit inning seeing Polly, Chut and Big Piece each single, loading them up for Rauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuul to line-drive to left that turned into double on a shit throw. 5-0. Bobby Cox saw it fit to walk The Landscaper of Sanity, Carlos Ruiz, to load them back up for Exxon Valdex to spill more oil onto the reservation! This "3rd stringer" ground one up the middle and brings home 2 more. 7-0. Even our substitute for a substitute is 'em driving home!

End Result. Booyah.

My dear Followers, todays gonna be a short one cause I got the man's business to handle so I leave you with a video so intense it rivals Moyer's performance! Before we hired staff contributor Chuck Meehan to bring the heat here at TBSS he served time in college rock band and Philly favorite, YDI. Charles is smashing the 4-string like a motherfucker:

Tomorrow's clog, Followers, will feature a video walk through of the National Library of Australia narrated by your sweet editor. Stay glued to the monitor for that one! Until then, fuck new york and thank God you're not a country boy!



  1. Worth noting:

    Jaime pitched a three pitch second inning.

    Jaime has a combined 7.42 era against teams not named The Braves.

    Chipper Jones is still a grown man called Chipper.

  2. Moyer's still got sauce left in the bottle.

    Victorino's got a vagina posse.

  3. Now that was a throughly enjoyable game. Funny thing about Moyer this season is that he has went 6 innings in every start, but for the most part one of them ends up a shit inning where he gives up a 3 or 5 spot in an inning while otherwise throwing 5 scoreless frames. So, that is what I was expecting last night with the hope that his Obligatory Shit Inning could be kept to less than 3 runs.

    Moyers counterpart Derek Lowe was the one who ended up looking washed up as he barely got out of trouble in the next 2 frames before Werth rocked the majestic 3-run jack in the third. After Lowe gave up a 2-RBI single to Valdez after wisely IBB Chooch, it was apparent that even the Obligatory Shit Inning from Moyer wasnt going to kill the Phillies. But that inning never came Moyer was an artisan out there. It wasnt one of these things where he was getting an overly generous zone from blue, it was Moyer making the Knaves look like they came to the plate drunk. Of course, the Phils stellar D helped out at times with a nice "never doubted it" haul-in of a gapper by Vic, a perfectly positioned Polly making a nice play on a sharply hit ball that hand cuffed him and a entertaining over-the-shoulder basket catch by Howard on a blooper. This games entertainment factor was very high. A historic outing, up/down lineup offensive production and some serious glove.

    As for todays game, Fat Joe will be taking the hill against a Knave BP scrub making a spot-start. I will be in 416 row 1 cheering our heroes on and you folks can catch it on FOX (Sharkey, is FOX running this in Australia?)

  4. Good to see Lowe get his tomaclock cleaned.
    We keep Sharkey deep down in Boganville & put Richard Charles in a catbird seat at CBP everytime Schmoyer pitches & the shit is gonna get solid this yr.
    My only hope is we getta fry A-Rod in his own peen butter in WS.
    Go Phils.

  5. Ahh, everybody welcome Tom Lax to the discussion!!!! Don't you worry Tommy, I'll be back in time for the Pennant race with the new edition in tow.