Tuesday, May 18, 2010

May 17 2010 PHI v PIT Game 1. Pirates Get Keelhauled, Singer-Songwriter Finds Heartbreak

                                         amatuer video. the realest shit!!!!

Yep, Followers, last nights match up went pretty much as expected; A 12-2 savaging of the Pirates. An opposing pitcher with an ERA of  9 million gives up 6 runs then relieve pitching gives up 6 more, 4 in the form of a grand fucking slam. This isn't fucking rocket science, it was just an old fashioned ass beating. Plain and simple. Hell, Kendrick even looked like Carlton out there save for the lead off homer to Delwyn Young. I don't really feel the need to analyze this brutal bad-boy to deeply so we'll just go over it like gentlemen.

Kendry quickly got our balls soaring into our throats with the aforementioned lead-off solo dinger given up to Young but that really was the a minor hiccup along the road to annihilation. Kendrick looked strong, getting ahead in the count early and sitting down most hitters with ease. If only he had poise like this against contenders we'd be in fucking business. Pirates starter, Charlie Morton, on the otherhand left something to be desired. This just hasn't been his year and in all honestly I feel shitty bagging on him so I'll refrain. He's a pro and he gets enough shit. But what I might bag on is his self produced/written/recorded album of acoustic boooooooooooooollshit but that's another Clog post. Work on the cannon, brother.

After a piss-weak couple of innings poncing around at 1-1, Big Piece and The Fucking Rooster decide to get it over with. Bottom 3rd, Howard drives in 2 RBIs with the bases loaded   with a 2 out single into left field scoring L.O.S. and Victorino. 3-1. Then my man Rooster tosses another few shit-logs onto Charlie Morton's fire with a 3-run ejaculation of power into the right filed seats sending him, Howard and Polly home. 6-1. Byah. Yep, byah.

Yadda yadda yadda, and the boys have knocked in 2 more runs and given up 1, bringing us up to speed at 8-2 in the 8th. Kendrick has been making a meal outta the Pirates, looking ace as fuck and taking no shit. After 8 solid he sits down. Pirates Charlie Morton and Jeff Karstens were put down humanely leaving the mound to Jack Taschner. Bottom 8th, Taschner gets through Ruiz and pincher Ben Francisco easily but fucks everything up for himself by giving up a single to Viccy and walking Polanco and Rollins, loading them up for THE BIG PIECE. I'm pretty sure you know where this is going. Taschner didn't even turn around with some kind of tawdry hope that the ball hadn't landed in his wife's bedroom. He was so bummed. Fucking thing was gone. Grand Salami into center, 12-2. What more do I have to say? Those were some nice motherfuckin' tittaaaaaaaaays. Antonio Bastardo laid em out in the top 9th and we cool. Good to see him back out there. 

Game over.

Tomorrow night we bring more fear for the Pirates with The Death Dealer Halladay getting the ball in the house that Chollie built. Phear the Reaper.

OH SHIT! I think we got some kind of serious Graf war going on in the 2902. Some of you might remember this piece from a few posts ago. It seems as if a rival gang of pro-gay anti-haters has struck back with a statement of their own. I smell trouble.  Let's go to our man on the street, The Ghost Of Bob Ross for commentary. Bob......

Hello John, When I first noticed the O.G. "2902=HOMOS" graf I thought to my "WHO THE FUCK DOES THIS FAGGOT THINK HE IS?" Coming onto my turf and dissing all of us? That's some straight up buster BULLSHIT! I mean, I'm sure there are a few homos among us and what a man does in the sanctity of his own home is his business but to lay out such a blanket generalization of an entire post code just seems a little brash for my tastes. AND NOW THIS PINK FUCKING RETALIATION SHIT? What kind of fucking message are we trying to send back to our accusers? "Yeah sure, call us homos. That's cool. Hey check out my fancy pink faggy spray paint we carry around constantly like little fucking fairies?" Sheeeeesh, something with a little more gusto could be utilized in a situation like this otherwise we're just gonna come off like pansies. Back to you, John!

Shit, Thanks, Bob. All of us here at TBSS can see your very angry about this unrest on our streets. Hopefully something will be doen to clean up the mess. We can all sleep a little sounder knowing the concern that courses through your undead veins. 

Thats all for today, Followers. Until tomorrow please fuck new york and find me an authentic Ricky Jordan Away jersey from '89. I'm still fucking looking.



  1. Not much to say about the game other than the obvious "Phils pound on another NL Central patsy". There is little to gripe out the product on the field, so I will gripe about radio broadcaster Jim Jackson. JJ is fine for his Flyers gig, but when doing pbp for baseball, his hockey style bleeds in. Whenever any ball is sharply hit, his voice suddenly raises 30db as if a Flyer grabbed a loose puck in front of the net and shot on goal. When Werth drove one, JJ yelled as if Gagne swiped a puck and was headed on breakaway to the net, only to have it be a warning track flyout. His time on the radio is rattling. I can't hate on JJ, but he has to remember that its baseball and chill the eff out with the sudden jumps in volume

  2. That was fun. Kendrick proved once again that he is a serious threat to AAA hitting. Morton threw a handful of filthy pitches, but he's a bum. That Myspace page of his almost makes me care enough to hate him, but then I remember that there's about a million acoustic d-bags like that running around. Morton just managed to get himself on the roster of what is technically still a Major League ball club.

    The power shots from the big boys were nice, but how about Jimmy? Dude knows how to come back off of an injury. It's gonna be fun watching him and Shane compete for that lead-off spot again.

    Do we think Valdez is gonna clear the 10 days after the audition he just turned in? There's gotta be a club (Pirates, Orioles, Mets?) that could use a guy like him. It'd be nice to have him sitting in Lehigh as an insurance plan. In any case, a tip of the hat for his contribution.

    The Rooster is in some kind of freaky contract zone. It's just silly at this point. Phils are gonna have to add another zero to their self-imposed salary cap.

  3. Shitty rainy day here. Don't want to see too many postponed games, but perhaps we would be better off with Doc facing a team with an actual MLB caliber lineup rather than the Bucccos