Saturday, May 15, 2010

May 14 2010 PHI v MIL Game 1. A Triumph In Throwback Jawns

 Look at me, dancing.

Welcome back to the real world, Followers. Fucking Colorado and their unreasonable playing conditions gave me a day-and-a-half down period. I straight up didn't know what the fuck to do. I bought myself a sweater and wiped an ass several times but that's no way to go through life.
                                                          Look at this fucking uniform. Class.

While some team called the Flyers or some shit won some big deal game the Fightin's came out victorious in game one of the Milwaukee road trip, looking sharp as a Puerto Rican's box-cutter in their baby blue late 70s/early 80's throwback jerseys. Yes, The LawnMoyer Man of course had his obligatory 3 home run inning but we're not gonna jump all over Grampa the day of a win. If we had lost this tone I have now would be a little different.

The Big Piece Ryan Howard socked a 2-run ding-dong in the top 1st off ex-Phil Randy Wolf to start the offensive. Exxon Valdez glided a soft double in the top 2nd to bring one Raul Ibanez across home plate setting the tone nice and early at a 3-0 lead.

Then what you know usually will happen, happened. Bottom 2nd and Uncle Jamie gives up 3 solo shots to Prince Fielder, Jim Edmonds and George Kottaras fucking up our score line completely. 3-3. I somehow wasn't too alarmed at this point. I did get a few weird looks from some short-haired bitch who no man could ever love at the Library after letting out a slight groan or two but I still kept cool.

My cool and calm demeanor served me well. The Amazing Raul came out in the top 4th to smash a solo shot immediately off Volfie, regaining our rightful lead. Homeboy Exxon Valdez hit a mangling triple into the right corner and Paul Hoover walks on for Shane Beefaroni to smash himself a 3-bagger, knocking in the men on the corners. 6-3. Booyah.

We hung Wolfgang out to dry pretty hard so they brought in relief buddy Manny Parra. This is where things get a bit hairy for the Brew crew. First at bat of the 6th inning, Parra makes a lethally shit throw to Fielder on a routine ground out from Valdez. He's safe. The Hoover comes up and singles and Moyer bunts his way on as Parra bobbles the fuck out of the ball again loading them up for Beefarino. Shane knocks one promptly up the fucking middle. Valdez scores. That's RBI 28 for Beefy. 7-3, bases still loaded. Polly sac-flies out, Hoovernator scores. 8-3. Super booyah. Chut and Big Piece go down swinging but, as they say in the announcer's booth, the damage was done.

LawnMoyer Bro, who was seriously sharp since his ob. shit inning, giving up only a duo of hits to the Brews, decided to scare the fuck out of us again by loading the bases with 1 out in the top 7. Goodnight, Grampa. Take a bow. Herndon relieves and has 2 runs sneak home from Moyer's mess on a throwing error by Utley on a dbl play but gets out alive for Baez to lay 'em down and smack 'em, yack 'em in the bottom 8th. Sorta. A 2 hit inning for Baez but no damage so we chill.

Utley decides his throwing error and 0-4 night just wasn't cutting the cheese so he goes and homers on a check swing inthe top 9th. Brutal. Guy barely tries and strikes oil. Jedd Fucking Clampett.

Jose, Jose Quite Fucking Contreras cleans house with the help of Exxon for stabbing the last out of the game out of the sky, robbing Cory Hart of a line-drive. Goodnight, my sweet Prince.

End result: 9-5. A Moyer night but a good Moyer night. Tomorrow we got Big Joe in the hot spot, still searching for win 1 of the season.

Now, Followers, it's time for more scenes from beautiful Canberra!!!!!  

Right around the corner from the Brother's Oven (featured a few editions back for the new Follower) is this place.  It's a mall, I guess. I wonder if maybe this is the trap to lead the brothers on vacation right into the belly of the beast then lure them to the oven. Sneaky fucks they are here in Canberra. More likely this was intended as a gathering point for wiggers of all nations to enjoy lattes and Moto-cross gear at reasonable prices. But upon entry to the Hypo-shit it's, as I suspect, filled with the familiar denizen of this place:

More old assholes. Gosh, look at them all!!! It's honestly appalling. Maybe Canberra is just one big Logan's Run vortex that hasn't been opened yet. I fucking hope so.

Until Tomorrow, Followers, fuck new york and learn to die when you're supposed to!



  1. I also remained pretty calm during Moyers OSI, I figured as long as he wasn't loading up the bags before serving up fatties it wasn't a big deal, but I did groan after solo jack 3. But he stuck to his 5 good innings/OBI through 6 and even though he left a mess in the 7th, the game was already in hand. Very good night for Philly with the Flyers nailing down the remarkable comeback and its always nice to take the first game of a series. All in all, the Phils have held up well considering the injuries. Rollins and Chooch will both be back soon and I am not concerning myself with Lidge and Madson

  2. It was nice to see the Phils sporting the Philadelphia blue again.

    Another thing that's nice about this team is that the role players will effectively play their roles and make things happen. There is an undefinable but undeniable team dynamic at play that makes everyone else step up.

    When you have Valdez, Hoover & Moyer setting the table? Shiiiiit.