Monday, May 10, 2010

May 10 2010 PHI v COL Game 1. Ross Gload, Welcome To Philadelphia

The fucking Fightin's stabbed game one of the series away from Colorado Monday night at Coors field with the help of 4-hit-hot-time-Ruiz and a glorious, soaring, majestic, sexual home run off the phallic beast of former Marlins bench-rider, Ross Gload. Jogging our memories back to game 4 of last season's NLDS series, the men fought back from more than a few deficits to take the 9-5 victory. 

To say that tonight's game was a roller coaster ride would  be a corny cliche' only fit for the blog of a third grader. Tonight's game was a motherfucking roller coaster ride! The lead ping-pong'd all night thanks to Kyle Kendrick and his usual garbage start, giving up 5 runs and his second balk in as many games. Amatuer bullshit. A balk that in the bottom 5th tied the fucking game and eventually gave way to our lead for a few minutes until Landscaper Of Sanity came back out and inning later and went yardy-yar-yard on that bozo Greg Smith. Shane Victorino came home later in that inning on a shit-wild pitch by relief pitcher Matt Daley to take it back 5-4. 

Slow/shit-start J.C. Romero came in for Kendrick in the 7th and promptly let the lead slip away again, walking Dexter Fowler and giving up 2 singles to Brad Hawpe and Drugjaw Giambi. 5- fucking 5. Utley saved his ERA's ass with what was one of the most spectacular double plays I've ever peeped. Melvin Mora shot one up the middle off David Herdon and it looked like a few more numbers on the screen until Utley superman'd that hoe, diving and tossing to Valdez who bagged up and chucked to Howard for the sedond out.  As they say in Australia, Utley is such a "ledge cunt" (legendary cunt)

Scores were locked in the top 9 with Randy Flores ball in hand for Colorado. Flores plunks Big Piece on the upper half of the beast sending him to first.  Flores intentionally walks Raul after a wild pitch sends the Piece to second. Now it's time for the motherfucking L.O.S. What does he do? No, he's not here to sculpt your hedge into rabbit or top-hat. He goes out and gets his fourth hit of the game, touching an RBI single into right sending Howard home. Fucking Chooch. OBP leader, yeah. This leaves Ruiz and Raul on for offensive substitution Ross "Bundy" Gload. We'll just call him Bundy here. He looks like Al, kills it like Ted. Sound good, Followers? One day I'll publish a glossary.....

Bundy comes to the plate with a .417 average off the Crockies looking like a cock-sure shoe salesman. Realizing that one run may not be the safest lead in the world Gload saw fit to extend that lead with a sailing line-drive shot into those stupid trees in right. Peg is gonna be blowing this man for that bewdy, I'm telling ya now! Ross Gload, Welcome To Philadelphia.  

More shots of scenic Canberra!

I saw this place yesterday when I was driving home from NLA. I'm pretty sure this place would frighten some of my black friend back in America. They don't have any here. No, Aborigines don't count.

It's cheap pizza tonight in Australia (seriously, they have that here) and tomorrow the Death Dealer is on the mound. Life is white. Until next edition, Followers, fuck new york and never spend more than $5.10 for a pizza in Canberra.



  1. Why eat pizza when you can have some sort of disgusting lamb-curry-ketchup-pie crust concoction, dipped in Vegemite?

    "Cooch" owns the offense right now. When the 7th man in the lineup is going 5 for 4 and leading the league in OBP, the opposition has to be shitting itself. Remember when he used to be "praised" as a great defensive catcher (aka catcher who can't hit)? Don't let his broken English fool you. Ruiz' consistent improvement plays into my theory that he might just be the smartest motherfucker on the field at any given time.

    Kendrick is rapidly approaching Eatonesque levels of failure, but I got more pissed off watching Romero. We gotta get that man back on the juice. At least he had the sense to not break his toe when throwing his little temper tantrum in the dugout.

    As for Gload, our bench is solid. Best bench we've had in years. Even Valdez, who can't seem to hit, has been getting it done defensively, which is a huge part of the Phillies formula for success. He may be the second coming of Eric Bruntlett, but he's also the third guy in the depth chart behind Juan Castro, who has been seriously stepping up as much as he can remain healthy.

    Our bats are carrying us through for now, but I'm worried about that old saw about great pitching vs. great hitting.