Monday, May 10, 2010
May 10 2010 PHI v COL Game 1. Ross Gload, Welcome To Philadelphia
The fucking Fightin's stabbed game one of the series away from Colorado Monday night at Coors field with the help of 4-hit-hot-time-Ruiz and a glorious, soaring, majestic, sexual home run off the phallic beast of former Marlins bench-rider, Ross Gload. Jogging our memories back to game 4 of last season's NLDS series, the men fought back from more than a few deficits to take the 9-5 victory.
To say that tonight's game was a roller coaster ride would be a corny cliche' only fit for the blog of a third grader. Tonight's game was a motherfucking roller coaster ride! The lead ping-pong'd all night thanks to Kyle Kendrick and his usual garbage start, giving up 5 runs and his second balk in as many games. Amatuer bullshit. A balk that in the bottom 5th tied the fucking game and eventually gave way to our lead for a few minutes until Landscaper Of Sanity came back out and inning later and went yardy-yar-yard on that bozo Greg Smith. Shane Victorino came home later in that inning on a shit-wild pitch by relief pitcher Matt Daley to take it back 5-4.
Slow/shit-start J.C. Romero came in for Kendrick in the 7th and promptly let the lead slip away again, walking Dexter Fowler and giving up 2 singles to Brad Hawpe and Drugjaw Giambi. 5- fucking 5. Utley saved his ERA's ass with what was one of the most spectacular double plays I've ever peeped. Melvin Mora shot one up the middle off David Herdon and it looked like a few more numbers on the screen until Utley superman'd that hoe, diving and tossing to Valdez who bagged up and chucked to Howard for the sedond out. As they say in Australia, Utley is such a "ledge cunt" (legendary cunt)
Scores were locked in the top 9 with Randy Flores ball in hand for Colorado. Flores plunks Big Piece on the upper half of the beast sending him to first. Flores intentionally walks Raul after a wild pitch sends the Piece to second. Now it's time for the motherfucking L.O.S. What does he do? No, he's not here to sculpt your hedge into rabbit or top-hat. He goes out and gets his fourth hit of the game, touching an RBI single into right sending Howard home. Fucking Chooch. OBP leader, yeah. This leaves Ruiz and Raul on for offensive substitution Ross "Bundy" Gload. We'll just call him Bundy here. He looks like Al, kills it like Ted. Sound good, Followers? One day I'll publish a glossary.....
Bundy comes to the plate with a .417 average off the Crockies looking like a cock-sure shoe salesman. Realizing that one run may not be the safest lead in the world Gload saw fit to extend that lead with a sailing line-drive shot into those stupid trees in right. Peg is gonna be blowing this man for that bewdy, I'm telling ya now! Ross Gload, Welcome To Philadelphia.
More shots of scenic Canberra!
I saw this place yesterday when I was driving home from NLA. I'm pretty sure this place would frighten some of my black friend back in America. They don't have any here. No, Aborigines don't count.
It's cheap pizza tonight in Australia (seriously, they have that here) and tomorrow the Death Dealer is on the mound. Life is white. Until next edition, Followers, fuck new york and never spend more than $5.10 for a pizza in Canberra.