Monday, August 23, 2010

August 22 2010 PHI v WSH Game 3. The Os Man Cometh

That's fucking more like it, Followers! A 6-0 smattering of the weak nats at the hands of Roy Oswalt with the assistance of Rauuuul's hammer, Exxon Valdez' tanker and a strong lot  and ready to destroy the competition. In Australia they would could call these guys "sick cunts". That's about right. Too bad it wasn't fucking yesterday.

Roy Oswalt got revenge for his banged-up Phils debut suffered to the nats in Washington earlier this month with a display of pure strength and heat. 8K, 5 hits, not one fucking run.... he even got 2 hits himself, one of them became a fucking run in the 3rd. A true asset to the staff in every respect. Too bad he wasn't pitching fucking yesterday.....

Polly sac'd in Roll in the 1st and Exxon Valdez smoked a bases loaded 2-out single to late 2 before Mother Nature took an enormous shit all over the Delaware Valley leaving the game at 4-dick in the mid 7th.

It had been a minute but yesterday a large group of unwavering opponent-haters got to howl RAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUULLLLLLL!!!!! Shortly after the 45 hour rain delay, Mr. Ibanez lofted a Craig Stammen weak-ball into the seats in right field, plating J-Roll along with the Phil's most productive motherfucker in the month of August. That's his 12 on the year. Sucks that didn't happen yesterday....

I only end ever fucking thought with that sentiment because it seems to be the sole thought on every Phaithful's mind. The knaves lose, we lose. The sister-fuckers win, we win. This fucking copy-cat act is getting frustrating and turning these series wins into moot dog vomit. The Phil's haven't lost single series played in the month of August yet we've gained very minimal ground in the division race. Something's gonna have to break, it's just the wait and see who and what it's gonna be is the painful part. Thank The Lord for the wild card because if this keeps up on both end we'd be up dick's creek with a herpes sore for a paddle.

Today a harrowing realization came crashing down on me, Followers; I don't have an ass-crack anymore. Yeah, you heard me. I don't have a crack anymore. I guess I hadn't really paid too much mind to the cosmetic aspect of things since I was so keen on just the physical recovery after my surgery but now after the dust has settled it's a bit disconcerting.

You see, F's, when I had my pilonidal cyst removed I had a preventative procedure done as well known as a Flap Repair. That's when they take skin from one side of your ass and pull it over to the opposite side of your ass, effectively removing the valley  between ass cheeks where the bacteria and tracts lie that allows the cyst to fester. In result, I don't have an asscrack anymore but more of a mound of flesh hovering above my asshole.  Take a look:

As you see the scar running down the center of my ass has replaced an actual crack and only feigns a crack-like appearance. This is incredibly awkward to digest mentally but I'm sure I'll grow to love my crack-less ass. In this photo you can also see the zit-like scars where the drainage bags were protruding from my back. Franken-Ass.

Tonight we have an old friend coming back to town for a tango with Joe-Joe Blanton. Brett Myers and the 'stros are probably just about finished backing their tractors into the CPB grounds keeper's shed, readying themselves for the 4 game series. Myer's, who's had a successful season thus far for the Texans, will get what I'm guessing as a mixed reaction from his former supporters. I believe the quote was "I'm gonna stick it to 'em" in regards to pitching to the Phils after the trade went down. I'm sure it was all in good fun but I still expect a few Boo-Birds to come out of hibernation for the occasion. No mercy. Should be a real hootenanny barn-burner for Os to see his old pals, as well. Too bad he ain't tossing at 'em.

Fuck new york and good for Rod Barajas. He got out.


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