Ok, F's before we delve into today's shit I have to rectify a situation that in my mind was a gross overlooking of talent. In yesteday's blog there was no mention of Placido Polanco's 4 fucking hit night. How this slipped my mind and missed the page is beyond me, Followers. To all parties involved, especially the new NL batting average leader, I truly apologize. It will never happen again. I fucked up. Sorry, Pol.....
Alright, let's get on with the show!
So, fuck, Followers....I bet you were all thinking and shitting your pants the same way I was about 2 minutes into last night's game. "Oh fuck, Joe Blanton is jinxed! Here we fucking go AGAIN! He can't get out of the 1st alive. FUUUUCK!" Boy-oh-boy what a way to not instill confidence of your ability in a crowd so quickly, Joe. The first batter you face, this case being Andres Torres, smokes a upper-decker of a meatball. Working from a hole again.
But a funny thing happened a a few batters later. He turned into a fucking animal. The sleeping fucking giant awoke and no one is happier than this motherfucker.
Blanton after his flirtation with bed-shitting Blanton turned into the fierce motherfucker that he was last season, going 6 and 1/3, whiffing 7 and only allowing 2 earned. The second of those runs being another Pat Burrell homer. We get it, Pat. Philly's fucking over it. We are just booing you now. But anyway, Blanton, the man who's been searching all year for a bust-out performance of strength and sack has finally found what he's looking for. A fucking big, hard W. It couldn't have come at a better time.
Now let's talk about that fucking offense that we've got going on here......
Big night for a few of these mean motherfuckers. Let's start with the big- cock story of the night, Jimmy Fucking Rollins.
Roll came with the big turkey-neck hitting just a double short of the cycle with a 3-run jack in the 4 run 4th inning. The man was on fire off SF starter Matt Cain, who for all intents and purposes, was effectively owned by the Phillies batting order. Kind of like when you find a freight container full of dead Romanian prostitutes but instead filled with ace pitchers that drink micro-brews. Rollins went 3-5 with 3 RBIs and 3 runs scored. Can you smell the goodness, F's? I think you can.....HEAT!
After the game during the press conference a report questioned Chollie on whether or not Jimmy could hit. His reply was apt: "Bet your sweet ass he can!" Yep. Best team ever in fucking history.
More timely hitting came for the man formerly known as Landscaper of Sanity now officially dubbed Senor Clutch. I would use a nina to accentuate the word senor properly if this laptop wasn't fucking purchased in Dublin. Racists. Chooch got the party started with a fruitless triple in the bottom 2nd and kept pace in the 4th with an RBI go ahead single into left. Clutch. As usual.
Chase Utley got his first extra-base hit under his belt since his return, sparking a 2-run rally in the Bottom seventh that would see Raul Fucking Ibanez, and The Rooster both getting extra-base knocks to drive each other in. Sexual.
Last but not least, The Brown Dominator laid out his first upper-deck fucker, his second in the bigs and what a fucking majestic shot it twas! The kid even took a bow. What a seriously unreal feeling it must be for the lanky Dominator to get back into that dugout and have Ryan Fucking Howard embrace you in manly, platonic bear-hug after you feat of strength and power.
Big ups also goes to Chad Fucking Durbin, who in the 7th inning in relief for the finally mighty Blanton, saved the fucking day pitching Andres Torres into a fucking dp. The giants lead the NL in those. Bummer.
A friend of mine cut Durbin's hair once in Jersey. She said he was a very nice dad.
All that shit added up to a destructive 8-2 win over the giants, taking the series and another game up on the g's in the NL wildcard jawn. The braves fucking beat the nats in walk-off fashion again but who gives a shit. We keep pace with those sister fuckers and we'll be sure to see post-season action. Fuck 'em all!
I hate to bring up Burrell again but this was just too good. Pat threw his Cherrios all over the place after he grounded out down the line but thought it rolled foul. I believe he called the ump a "dumb fat motherfucker". WAH!
So I'm on facebook, everyone is. Thomas Carroll, the singer for incendiary and classic NYHC group Straight Ahead is also a big proponent of the social networking site. Yeah, we're friends.
Apparently Tommy has a big problem with this whole "Ground Zero Mosque" issue that's sweeping the world's media. I thought since most of you are not influencial enough to be friends with Tommy that I would share some of his status updates on his feeling about this subject. I offer this one caveat: He is very articulate about his feelings and they may be too strongly worded for the weak-willed. Please read with caution.
"They build a mosque at ground zero they've won and our president supports there freedom what about ours a religion of oppression they laugh in our faces. I love god and god is love and all I see from islam is hate it was built on hate 560 years after christ I don't want these scumbags gloating like they won fuck there ...god he wears a dress and paints his toe nails allah is a jerk off...."
"Jesus christ is my lord and savior I walk his path and we walked through the nostics templer nights and free masons and allah means shit to us fuck your god fuck your religion your religion was based on hate and I fucking hate you. You have no idea of god that's why you kill but step in my domain I'll cut your fucking ...heads off and shove it up your mothers ass fuck allah"
See what I mean? Pretty strong feelings, well worded and though out. He'd have my vote!
Here's a video of Straight Ahead playing at Mike Dirnt from Green Day's favorite bar CBGBs: