Sunday, June 13, 2010
June 12 2010 PHI v BOS Game 2. This Is Getting Ridiculous, Assholes
You know a friend of mine suggested that since I've started blogging the Phils have been playing like a sullen wigger on graduation day. That is to say they haven't shown up to play a real game of baseball for about the last 2 months. I think this notion is retarded but it's been eating at me. When you get one of these weird baseball jinxes in your head you just can't shake it. It's just like the time another one of my asshole friends supposed that the Phillies played better while I was residing on a continent far, far away. After a few agonizing months I've been shown that that suggestion is total crapola, if anything they might actually play better the closer in proximity I am the game itself. Fuck, I went to about 25 games last year, saw 6 losses and watched them make it to the World Series for a second consecutive year with one of the worst starting rotations in The Show. I was even in attendance for the WS clinching at game 5 of the NLCS! That must mean my boyish charm and hateful demeanor towards anyone in my line of vision donning another team's colors gives the men an added step in their cleats. I don't need some poof with a red mop of stupid hair to debunk this myth. It's busted.
But still for the last month it seems like every game that's televised down here has a losing outcome.
Today I woke up at 6am to watch this thing you call a professional game on the coach of a hotel room. I was spending the night in the room of a rock and roll band that my friend plays drums for and we'd been doing lots of drugs and beers the night before. I am lying. Still it was fucking early and I wasn't prepared for the Phils to be winning 2-0 when I turned on the game. Alright, on the board first! Now all we gotta do is tack on a few more and hold the Sox to a.....J.D. Faggot homers. Whatever, 2-1. We can hold this shit down, we're not gonna get bulldozed for a second day in a.......what the fuck? The bases are loaded and no outs? That's fast? well, whatever, this little chubby dork Something Nava is up and it's his first at-bat every, sure this'll be an o.......
Are. You. Fucking. Serious?
Blanton lets some little pile of baby-fat and bong-resin hit a career beginning grand fucking slam off him? This is retarded, actually retarded. Now it's 2-5, it took the Red Sox literally 3 minutes to gain 5 runs on us and 4 of them came from some rookie nobody who will be squeegie-ing your car at red-lights in 2 years.
My mind begins to reel. First I think we wasted 10 million dollars on this supposed pitcher we have. Then as I continue to watch the Red Sox slaughter us again I start to think maybe I am fucking ruining these games by watching them or that because I am blogging it's like some voodoo bullshit stymieing The Phillies at every pass! Maybe it's just one of those cosmic things that disrupt the natural flow of Phillies baseball and it's all stemming from me! Then I realize that it's all total bullshit and that this team just fucking blows right now. No bones about it, they fucking stink. I watch these crum-bums every fucking day only to gaze upon a bunch of under-achieving nitwits jacking off while they're being paid millions of dollars to make me happy but failing like an 87 year old erection. This ain't no slump, it's shitty baseball. Only they can turn this around, not me or God or Jobu or Rosie O'Donnell's rotten pussy. It's up to them.
I still bought my dad a new Philles windbreaker for father's day today. I'm not that mad. Or stupid. They are still The Phillies and I still love them. Today we face that slop-chucker Wakefield. He can shove his knuckle-ball right up is has-been ass because if we don't win I'm gonna fly to Boston and traffic cocaine in his bowels. Fuck new york, fuck Boston and all the white, drunk, rich people wandering around and fuck every single player on the Phillies for making me sad mmmmmmmmwwwaaah.