Tuesday, June 29, 2010

June 28 2010 PHI v CIN Game 1. The Kendrick Problem

Tonight was shit, Followers. Shit. Everything went wrong. Kyle Kendrick is a terrible pitcher. It's not a big deal, he just sucks. Wait, it is a fucking big deal and now he's now seemed to have caught the Cole Hamels disease. Once the hitting starts it never stops. One hiccup and the shit hits the ceiling fan.  

Last night Kendrick went 6 and 1/4 pitched, 8 hits and 5 earned fucking runs after fanning 4 and looked fierce in the first 3 frames until things got rocky and then quickly shit bed in this 3-7 loss to Cinci. The fear in my heart that Ruben Amaro Jr is really sitting with his thumb up his ass and not desperately trying to acquire starting pitching is palpable to the fear one must feel after a long weekend in Thailand. You know what I mean.

Aside from an Utley error and some shitty umpiring gone the wrong way that hurt us offensively, I think it's safe to say we can hang all the guilt of this sham on pitching. Not that the bats worked all that well against Red's starter, Johnny Cueto, but that's why this is even more important. Look at fucking San Diego; a club with not much muscle but pitching that's taken them to division leaders. Seriously, I know I'm not alone in thinking this but this is something that can be easily remedied with all these super-duper names floating around that are supposedly headed for the trade guillotine. Dan Haren, Roy Oswalt, the still longed for Clifton Lee, take your pick. Yes all of these men have their own weaknesses but I've never seen any on them about to cry in the 5th inning. Well, maybe Oswalt. We still need to be aggressive. With the exception of Lee, who may not want to come back to a GM who sold him off like a bag of firewood for the golden calf, any of these men are attainable and--not to sound like an entitled cherry-picking new yorker--we can fucking afford it, too. We're running on 40-some consecutive sell-outs at CBP, coming off 2 World Series seasons and quickly becoming a franchise noted world-wide for good ball. Iwant to see more Asians in Phillies hats in Sydney. Do you really want all this foundation for a legacy to see it go down the drain because of a cautious front office? Just fucking pull the trigger. You can't horseshit me with this cheapo crap, I lived through the late 90s with this team. We've finally got funds, let's use them wisely and keep it rolling. We now have a chance to fill in a sliver of the chip on Philly's sporting shoulder. Any one of the names above would fill the Kendrick chasm until J.A. Happ gets his velocity back and to tell you the truth, I'm not holding my fucking breath. How many rehab starts do you need, my man? He's gearing up for number 5 and he's still got issues to work through. He's young so I'm sure he'll have no problem bouncing back but we can't waded in mire and the muck until it's so. I swear to God if Cliff Lee ends up on the mets I'm gonna fuck my face in the ass with a knife.

All I'm saying is that this game and others like it wouldn't be torturous slogs through the the molasses forest if we had confident starting pitching. For once in my life I would love to feel secure for at least 3 days out of the week during the summer.

On top of this we now have to sweat for the next few days waiting to find out if Chase Utley actual fucked his thumb up that bad on this slide into second last night. I'm sure they'll draw that fucking out until I've gone almost completely bald. If we did lose Chut we'd be hard-pressed for hope that any good could come from this season minus another one of our crucial linchpins. I know that sounds defeatist but look at the Roll'less team throughout out May/June. God, I hope he's fucking OK. Keep 'em crossed, Phaithful.

On a positive note Raul Fucking Ibanez--trying to ignite a rally--zapped a 2 run homer in the top of the ninth. I still love when Ibanez gets that long-ball action. It transports me back to the beginning of the 2009 season right as I returned from Australia the first time. "Raul Ibanez? Who the fuck is this guy? 37 years old? Seattle, right?". Then I spent a good part of April and May flooding the bedroom every time he came to bat. I want more of that Raul, please. I miss him.

Former Phil, Scott Rolen hit his 300th slammer off Kylie last night.  Just thought you'd need to know that, too. This I don't mind so much. It's like when Pat Burrell does good. Good for him, he's about 60 years old and still fucking up the program.

Keeping the GG remembrance rolling, if my kid turns out 1/8 as cool as this little masturbator I'll know my job as a parent was done with competence. 

Also Followers, today I had my first celebrity sighting! Apparently The Hick From French Lick, Larry Bird, is cutting hair for a little extra money at the Tuggeranong Hyper Dome. Have a look for yourself:

Tonight Blanton gets ball and continues to play catch-up record-wise. I want some murder, Big Joe. Make me proud! Until next time, fuck new york and if your friends with Larry find out what his fucking deal is.


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