Good fucking morning, Followers! There's something to be said for patience and perseverance when a 3-2 win gets the city's collective rod hard but I'll take any day over the last week. Doc and Lidge were damn near legendary in last night's victory over the clergymen. Lazy at-bats riddled the halls as the infected offense festered but big hits from Shane Victorino paved the way for the tossers to shine.
Doc gave up his first hit in 30 batters last night to Adrian Gonzales, who singled in the top 1st, to much fanfare from the Phaithful and battled through 7 strong innings giving up 10 hits but for a paltry return of only 2 Padres runs. Class act. Fitting that Jim Joyce would be umping this game straight after the debacle in Detroit. The man can't escape perfection.
The Flyin' Hawaiian went yard breaking opposing pitcher Mat Latos' 5 game homerless streak with a 2-run jack into the right field seats to give the Phils a 2-1 lead in the bottom 3rd. Seems like all we need for some fireworks is a pitcher to be on a tear of not giving up any homers. Brad Penny came to town last month without giving up a homer all season and we sent 2 over the wall. Fuck Jimenez. I say we take that tall drink of horchata to Sizzler hard when he comes to town next month. I hope. He is tall, dark and sexy, though. Right Wheels?
Last night also marked what many a Philly-ite would like to believe is the return of Brad Lidge to 2008 cocksman form. His 9th inning appearance sparked cardiac arrest in half the city only to take mound for a stainless inning, grounding out Billy Eckstein and whiffing Gonzales and Chase Headley. No end of the batting order softballs. He looked fierce and confident, nothing like the shaking and pants-shitting Lidge of '09. It was stellar. I want more of that, Brad. All of it. I want to see you tonight do it in less than 10 pitches before I sing the true praises. The whole city wants to see it. Don't be a cock-tease.
Before I start to sound a bit too relieved I'd just like to say I'm not going to forgive last night's bats just because we finally won a game. The game winning run came from a walk. If anything we've learned to work the count in times of drought. Howard displayed some of the sleepiest plate appearances I've seen all year, barely swinging at obvious garbage. Last year it was the high and fast cheese and this year its trash at his feet that he can't seem to abstain from. He did learn from mistakes late in the game drawing a walk and a single in his final 2 at-bats all the while instilling no fear in the hearts of the enemy. Pick it the fuck up, Piece!
On an interdivisional note ESPN wunderkind and Chris Wheeler spank-bank resident, Jason Heyward, went 0 for 5 against the Dodgers in 5-4 loss last night. All Strike outs. Welcome to the show, Jay. Here's yer Platinum Sombrero.
The Phils just introduced some of the most heinous attire I've ever seen available for purchase outside of Cuba.The Philadelphia Player's Choice line curated by Rooster, Victorino, Rollins, Hamels and Ibanez is now on the market for enthusiasts of never getting sex from a woman all across the tri-county area. Would you look at this shit?
Now I'm not saying I wouldn't wear any or all of this stuff, chances are I would. I'm married with a child. I don't give a fuck what I wear and that's the precise key to all of this gear. You can't honestly believe some dude would be like "Fuck, I look sharp with a Spartan warrior version of Jayson Werth draped over my back-fat and ass. I cannot wait to pull wool with this shit!.... Mom, where the fucks my fucking laundry, dude?!!"
Tonight LawnMoyer Man takes on Jon Garland who is hot as of late. Keep 'em crossed and we could walk away from this series with a win column in the 30s. Until tomorrow fuck new york and never let athletes design anything. Not even bedsheets. Maybe condoms.