Saturday, June 19, 2010

June 19 2010 PHI v MIN Game 2. The Bullpen Gets Ass Raped By AIDS Demons

Here's the situation, Followers....... Top 9th, 9-4 Phils. Jose Contreras closed out the 8th in 3 pitches so he's called back for finish. Instead he gives up a 2-run home rune to Jim Thome. I don't think they're gonna give him a standing ovation tomorrow, me thinks. 9-6. 

Then Brad "to the bone" Lidge gets the call to finish the job. Contreras had a rough on so Lidge has to get 3 outs. He gets 2. He also gives up a game tying 2-run jack to Joe Fucking Mauer to....... TIE THE FUCKING GAME!!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?????!!!! WE HAD A 5 RUN LEAD 10 MINUTES AGO!!!!! Whatever, we can get that last run in the bottom 9th. 

We don't. Extra innings. Fuck the universe.

So, Followers, up next in the cavalcade of shit is Chad Durnbin. He has to be able to hold them for 3 fucking innings. Sure the bottom of our batting order is due up but we've got the home field! We can get that 10 runs before you give up Drew Butera first home run ever, right? Fuck you, Durbin, in the ass....... 9-10, Twins.

OK, I know, why are we talking about another one of our shitty pitchers? How did we even make it to the 11th? BECAUSE ROSS, BUNDY, GLOAD HITS FUCKING 2 OUT 2 STRIKE HOMER TYING THE FUCKING GAME!!!!! Alright!, there is NO WAY we are gonna give this game up now! We are gonna battle back! What a great Sportscenter!!!! I can't wait.....for Danys Baez to walk Joe Mauer and Justin Morneau and then allow Delmon Young to Single and Matt Tolbert to double driving in 3 runs, completely deflating any fucking air we had the Philly tires. Fuck your face, you worthless faggot.

We go down weakley in the bottom 11th. 10-13. A wasted fucking day.

I hope you all get pushed into lake full of Piranha. Fuck you so hard that your principals from grade school feel it. I can't even feel my hands right now...

Fuck new york and I think we know who gets the other end of the double-dong. With a kiss. Let's go get 'em tomorrow, boys.

Love, Your Pal....


  1. Son.of.a.dirty.ass.bitch...I had to witness this shit? Sunny warm day down the park and the ball was carrying. Ibanez double and Howards HR just kept floating I mean, Wilson Valdez hits a HR? So, I will get straight to the ugly. The difference between Jim Thome in his prime and Ryan Howard is that even though both have high K rates, Thomes Ks were usually strikes swung through (compared to Howards often blind flailing at garbage) and Thome always could work a count and draw walks. When Contreras got to a full count, he had no choice other than to throw a strike and hope for the best and Thome crushed it. Now, the unforgivable: Walking Nick fucking Punto. Why nibble against this weak slap hitter? Lidge time. Of course Lidge pays no goddam attention to Punto on first and he is off and running before Lidge gets into his windup. With a five run lead you can go for defensive indifference, but with a 3 run lead and no outs, when you pretty much invite the runner into scoring position, you take away the DP and put yourself in a position where one hit brings the tying run to the plate and that is what happened...So, as it went into extra innings, the Phillies had a prime chance to win this except Howard pathetically strikes out on straight up slop and Werth got rung up. After Gloads heroics they needed one scoreless inning of relief to have the top the order get another shot but that shithead Baez either pitched around Mauer or couldnt find the zone for dear life (I cant tell which). After 2 more balls to Morneau an IBB was called for and the dogs smelled fear. 3 batters later I was out of there. I know that shit happens but 5 runs from your top 2 BP guys?.... This sucked and I can only hope Doc makes us all forget it about it tomorrow.

  2. Remember all that hope I was feeling? I'm back to casting protest all star votes for Pirates players.