Last night after the Phil's ran rampant over the Twins in the 9-5 victory of game one of the series I found this stationed in front of my upstairs toilet. Seems my father, John Jr, has been having a bit of a problem clearing out the plumbing. He's decided to give Voodoo a go of his own after watching Chase Utley demolish a Nick Blackburn fastball, breaking a 24 game homer-less drought with his 3-run shot into the heavens of Citizens Bank Park. As soon as any news breaks you, my dear Followers, will be the first to know! That's just the kind of up-to-the-minute coverage you get here at TBSS.
Another monster fucking night for Big Piece, as he goes 4 for 4 and a single short of the cycle, looking sharp as he is witty with 2 homers, an RBI triple and a late game double to lead the full-forced offensive against the Twins early and hard. Just like we all like it.
Chutley came out to play last night, shaking off rumors of injuring, saying more with his actions to dispel that horseshit than he ever could at any press conference. Aside form the 3-run jack mentioned above, Chutley brought his fucking defensive arsenal apparently. In the top 5th, the Twins Jason Kubel smashed one off Joe Blanton into deep center, bouncing it off the top of the wall and sending it careening past Shane Victorino into open space. As Victorino finally regained his composure and the ball he throws to cut off man Utley as Kubel is getting the green light to round 3rd for an inside-the-parker. Not on fucking Utley's eco-frinedly watch. Utley guns it to Ruiz, dead fucking on target, and Choochie tags Kuble out shattering the hopes and dreams of Gardenhire and the boys. The ease he executed this play with was practically an open letter to the Philly Sports Media reading simply "Injured? Suck my dork...".
It wasn't all fucking peaches and cream, though. Despite Joe Blanton doing 7 stable innings allowing only 3 apposing runs to cross home plate, we did encounter some Twins resistance in the top 9th with new activated Scott Mathieson in for the close, a Phil's tosser who hasn't seen the bright lights of The Show since his 8 starts in 2006. To be kind he was a little rusty in his grand re-opening last night. Sure it's his first big job in 4 years and sure he was clocking in at 98 per but all the cards seemed to fall the way of the Twins. Mathieson loads the bases up on singles and gives up 2 runs cutting the lead to 4 runs all the while not exhibiting the kind of confidence I need in a closer to not feel an impending coronary. After clumsily knocking 2 outs off the side Brad Lidge is called in to record the last out, a fly to Rooster from the frightening and yet cuddly Joe Mauer.
Choochie took a broken bat to the helmet in the 8th but seemed to be able to walk it off. You know, rub some Montezuma's Revenge on it and be a man. Let's hope the Landscaper Of Sanity is back in working order for tonight's battle.
End Result: 9-5, 3 straight wins for Phils, Blanton gets his second win for the season finally and guns are seemingly back in check. Tomorrow Hamels defends his status as Top Chef against Twins righty Kevin Slowey. Let's keep poundin' 'em and get that big tasty wifey quim while we got the home field, boys! I could totally be a manager, no problem.
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Until Tomorrow, F's, fuck new york and fuck the world cup straight in the ass 70 times.