So, yeah Followers. I've realized that since I live in the country again I'm in a bit of a pickle. When I lived in Australia I could watch the game at 9am and then have all day to ruminate on the spectacle and then write about i thoughtfully. But here the night games end at 10 and I get no time to get pensive. What I'm saying basically is that The Clog will be getting way more crude and less thoughtful and I don't fucking care. You're excited, I know.....
Alright so The Show now continues in the land of the good and fair and big titties and baseball......
Game 1 was, uh, a less than fucking stellar affair. I believe I referred to it as a blowjob contest a few times as I watched it with my mother. She agreed. She noted that Jayson Werth and Polly had a great great hand-stroke/headbob technique while Chase Utley and Ryan Howard were a little sloppy around the nut area. Some people forget that it's very important when performing fellatio to pay at least a little attention to the boys. They get lonely.
Vance Worley, freshly called-up from Lehigh Valley, made his first major league start in game 1 and showed signs of promise and shades of Kendrick (girl arm). He got into holes very quickly throughout the first 3 inning throwing 51 pitches but settled into a nice deuce of 1-2-3 frames, getting pulled after the 5th for D Brown to sword fight with his imaginary friend in the batters box. The kids got decent velocity and malleable control but needs a little of that big-dickin' Jamie Moyer tutelage. This kid could be on the wish and wait farm list but who fucking knows. Surely not me.
The fish also countered with their own rookie start in Adamberto Mendez , who on the flipside seemed to fool the Phils about as easily as a math teacher to a weed dealer. The fucker looked good. Shit was maybe going a little too sweet for the newbie until the 7th inning when he fucking infuriated the Phaithful by even getting a fucking basehit.He pulled up lame with a something strain and will now probably be fucking shat upon by trainers and front office messengers in Miami. Another day of sadness for The Baseball Player.
I think in this fucking dogcock jerk-fuck of a game, in which we hit the small ball with the red stitching 3 times with positive result, I think we had a runner in scoring position fucking 2 times all game. I've seen more enthusiasm behind the fucking counter at Walmart. Pathetic. Penis. Fuck.
The fish racked up 7 runs, 3 off Worley colleague Fat Mike Zagurski which leads to me to this analogy; There is a reason that Metallica got signed to Electra an then made millions of dollars and had sex with trillions of women while the band Cinderalla still hand out their own guitar picks for Halloween and have no money for Valtrex. Some motherfuckers just ain't good enough.
We sucked. Dick. 1-7, fish.
Look at this blister on my foot. This thing is fucking painful.
Game 2 was a fuck ton better in respects to what The Men weren't doing 3 hours earlier. We hit the ball and funny little men in red pinstripes cross homeplate. Fuck they did it 7 times!
Roy Fucking Oswalt had a solid yet tumultuous start, giving up 4 runs in the form of 3 home runs. One of the things that seperates him from the wimps is that this doesn't seem to fucking bother him. He looks back, watches it fly, grabs his dick off the ground and tries again. A winner.
If anyone whines about the Phils being a long-ball or nothing team after this last season you can opretty much go down on a shotgun. All those 7 runs that crossed the funny thing were done so with balls banging around the grass. It's almost fucking infruriating how every Phil's ball hit toward the fence seems to fall just short these days at CPB. Not as infuriating as losing. It's good feeling to know that when the homers can't hump it we can put the ball in play and make it happen. Yes, Howard still swings for the stars every fucking time he's in the box and it seems like pitchers have figured out that you can throw him any pitch that's NOT a strike and he'll screw himself into the ground but we're stil making progress from last season. Utley had a pair of hits and Victorino had 3. Those are stats.
Phils win 7-4. Good.
Last season it was all homers and not much competition. This season it's all changed and we've learned to cope. People can bitch and cringe about being in 2nd place for 4 months but we're just as good, if not better than we've been in the previous 2 seasons. The numbers are almost identical at this point in the season, we've just not had to deal with a decent team of sistefuckers in a few. The only thing really stadning in our way is ourselves. The 1,2 and 3-hit games are what is gonna skin the cat, not the braves. They can't just walk this one through, it's time to fucking destroy the fucking weak. 1/2 back and now is no fucking time to let the golden vagina slip through our tentacles.
I'm gonna be in section 130-something tonight with my old man. Get at me if you know what's not good for you. Fuck new york and the city I live in, the city of assholes, I never worry , now that is a lie. Bloop.