I don't even know how to fucking approach this one, F's. I still feel like I'm on fucking pcp. If there are typos today fuck it, there always are. I don't proof read. I was gonna go with the whole "What happened, I left in the 8th" angle but that would be stupid, I wasn't even there.
Then I was gonna just fucking ignore it for a few sentences and then write about it IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE I'M FUCKING EXCITED!!!!!" bullshit but I've done that booollshit before so I'm just gonna cut the shit and get down to the bull's balls.Oh fuck it....
THAT PHUCKING SHIT WAS PHUCKING AWESOME!!! DID YOU JUST SEE THAT SHIT JAYSON PHUCKING WERTH GIVE THIS MAN 40000 BLOWJOBS PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
It was pretty fucking awesome. Jayson Fucking Werth grabs the bull by the dick and bashes the life out of a 3-2 pitch, capping a second consecutive sweep with his walk-off 2-run jizz-jolt into deep centerfield. Look at the fucking stage dive he does into The Men waiting in desperation to embrace The Beard. This shit looks like a Pearl Jam concert minus all the dickheads.
It's funny, after this game the reports that Rooster had signed with Scott Boras to represent him in his FA golden goose hunt. This basically means bye-bye Werth, hello loneliness but whatever. A man's gotta eat. It's not like Ross Gload is leaving and to be completely honest with you F's... I don't think Werth had shit to do with yestersday's win*. I think it was all this little broad's doing:
Would you look at this chick? The Human Rally Towel they call her. I talked to one of my inside sources at the park who tells me this lovable scamp shows up quite frequently to CBP dressed in this genius attire. Who is she? She has a fucking facebook page dedicated to her that was started maaaaaaaaaaybe 45 seconds after Werth smoked that shot. Is she single? I have friends. Is she American? Can she speak English? I want an interview with the Human Rally Towel. I wonder if she'll be at any of these braves games. I'll be at tonight's and Tuesday's game. Serction 136, HRT if you're interested.
Seriously, how many of you thought it was all over in the 8th? Come on don't be a pussy. I was fucking pissed in the 6th, I'm not gonna lie. I walk in from my Olde Timey Baseball game with contributor Scott and the first fucking thing I see is Blanton give up the 3 run homer to Mike Morse. I was so shitty with him. It felt like Blanton had just come and shit on my birthday cake. It was all "Fuck shit cocksucker pisspenisfucker blah blah blah.." like I usually am in those situations. I am passionated, people. I curse a lot and I hurt when we lose. Don't fucking judge me, I love this team. I and the rest of the Phillie Broadcast Team thought that yesterday might be one of those days. You know, when the hits just fucking don't some with RISP. It happens. I wasn't even mad about the fact that we might lose. I was all peachy going into the knaves series 2 games up. Fuck, Chollie even brought in Danys Baez, the ultimate white flag. He gave up a homerun. Eessssh. Then Romero comes in and gives up a 2 outter..... 6-3 with one chance left but still I never felt truly out of it. I had padded my heart with pessimism but still held hope like I fucking always do. You never give up on these pricks. You can't. Because just when you do you miss something like this. A 4 run bottom 9 and you feel shame like the douche you are. Get mad, curse at the pitcher, do what the fuck ever makes you feel better but don't fucking give up. You know I haven't turned off a Phillies game all year, even the truly shit ones back in May and June. Yeah, I sat through those games in Boston where Moyer and Blanton got bombed. I sat through Pirates games that we refused to hit in. Maybe it was the absence+distance equation but even so, I never can actually just walk away from a game. I feel like a traitor. Listen to me. Fuck this, PHIL'S WIN! NEVER SURRENDER! BRING ON THE FUCKING knaves!!!!! THIS IS TOTAL FUCKING WAR!
Fuck new york and love the one you're with. Yesterday's win was huge. Everyone contributed. You can't forget that Polly and Chutley got that rally started and that Big Piece brought in the first 2 runs to open the door for Werth. Brian Schneider has a 3-hot day yesterday. Blanton gave it his best, Baez and Romero put in effort and newbie Vance Worley had a great, clean 9th. We are one. All of us. Let's fucking destroy every filthy shit that gets in our way. Coach Sharkey wants you to know that you are the best.
JSIII
* I kid, I kid!
PS I Love you.
PPS
loved this werth quote:
ReplyDelete"It seemed like some people left there," he said with a smile. "I don't know why you're leaving."