I'd like to think that the last 8 Roy Oswalt starts in a Phillies uni has fully quashed the whole Lee vs Oswalt debate. All the facebook pages and all the comment vagina virgins can rest easy now that Oswalt has shown his true worth in the city of the good and right. Yes, Cliff Lee was a fucking hell of a man with a hell of a pitch but who the fuck is wearing the P and who's losing a pint of sweat a night down in Arlington? No sense in jerking-off to the ace of out bedroom's past when we can stick our big fat collective prick right in it with glorious revelry and be fully grateful for what we've got here in the fucking now.
Last night Roy Oswalt won his 7th start last night. The MLB network told me that he's the first pitcher since 1912 to fucking win 7 out of 8 starts after joining a team mid-season. That's a retarded statistic but it still impressed me. Sometimes I'm very easy. If you would've asked me for a good Oswalt fact I probably would've just told you he was fucking awesome.
6 inning pitched, 1 earned run, 1 happy fucking crowd of Phaithful. Putting in his hours, a working man. He even ripped the fucking dick off the ball for an RBI in the first. Doing it.
But fuck, Followers, it's not like he did it alone. After giving up his one and only run in the first he got a cornucopia aka buttfucking avalanche of runs in the bottom frame. I can't be fucked going through the 90 hits and every fat umpire that got in the way because it's Saturday and I am a busy man but listen to me when I say this; We are on fucking fire. The Phils have scored 70 fucking runs over the last 10 games. That's good, right? The sleepers are awakening and the mainstay rocks like Choochie and Valdez are keeping the usual work load. Werth is getting his shit together and knocking off the streaky shit. Big Piece, Chutley, Vic, Polly, RAUL! Fuck, I'm being hyperbolic but If someone is going to beat us they are going to have to fucking bring the serious nutload. No fluky shit, we're here for a Phight and if you think we're gonna hand you a gift wrapped penis pump you've got another thing coming.
I feel great. Now I have to go to babies r us and buy a new crib for my son. The act is enjoyable but my surroundings will cause rage. Fuck that giraffe, I'm a Kiddie City kid, motherfucker. Fuck new york for being losers and sky rockets in flight (wwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrnnn) afternoon delight.