Tuesday, September 14, 2010

September 13 2010 PHI v FLA Game 1. Penis Poundin' That Flounder

You know, Followers, It seems like just last week that I was watching the Phillies belt the fuck out of a first round draft pick by Detroit named Andrew Miller. He kinda looked like Orlando Bloom and had very poor location with his pitches. We beat the fuck out of him and a few of his little bullpen buddies for something like 10 runs and then let a few of our shitty pitchers almost blow it.

Yeah that was last week. It.s comforting to know that we can be consistent in our ass-beatings when facing a pitcher we've flogged, with or without the Captian Morgan beard.

Joe Fucking Blanton had to tuck his enormous dick in his shoe last night, going a full 6 giving up only 5 fucking hits an 1 fucking run. Who is this man? I love him? Where has he been all my season? I'm thirsty.

Every fucking Phillie hit last night, Followers. It was a jizz-fest of a seriously brodacious magnitude. Jayson Werth finally pulled his manacure finger out and started arcing contest last night in the 2nd inng, hitting a towering solo motherfucker the opposite way and then Chase Fucking Utley did the same the very next frame.

The shitstrom of runs on the marlins' head didn't truly begin until Carlos Fucking Ruiz started to make it rain DNA with his extreme 2- run Panamanian Whopper from Hungry Jack's in the 4th. Boy that thing was majestic. Logan Morrison just watched that fucking thing sail over his head and right towards fucking Narnia.

After that it's all  blur. It was RBI after RBI, 3 here 3 there. Seriously, giving out a Hoagie Of Heat today would be insulting. Even fucking Greg Dobbs hit a fucking home run. we pounded them for 11 total and took only minimal shit from the fish after Chollie decided we had a nice enough lead to put everyone's favorite rule 5 pick, David Herndon to work in the 8th. He promptly gave up 3 runs like Planned Parenthood gives out great news to those of heavy conscience after a messy night in a bathroom stall. We still walked away tall and erect with a nice 11-4 scoreline and an 11-5 record against the fish in 2010 thus far. Boo. Fucking. Yah.

It should also be noted that both Jose Contreras in the 7th and Danys Baez in the 9th were pretty fucking on. The latter more so than the former surprises me.


I'm going to the shore so it's the short goods today, F's. I know, it's OK. Fuck new york and enjoy my cousin's recipe. He's a great chef. He works at Getty in Aldan.


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