My faggot fucking computer deleted 5 paragraphs of pure genius. I seriously want to burn someone's house down right now. It's Saturday, let's make this quick. I still have funny pictures to post of our Men plowing through the flushing queen in the series opener on our way to Halladay's 18th W .
Fucking Carlos Fucking Ruiz cannot be contained.There, I said it. Just like the dude in that retarded KFC Double Down commercial. Motherfucker is unreal. You cannot keep him off base, just try. He reached 30 time last night.
Choochie got the scoring for this walk in the park going with an RBI single in the 2nd inning and continued to be fucking the most valuable person alive as he tied up the weak muts second baseman (I don't care who he is) on a dp ball hit by Valdez. He juked the dork and held up the play until Raul fucking Ibanez could score. A smart fucking move from our smartest little fucker. Feel the thunder!
Halladay, who's been shelled a bit lately, had a bit of the heebeejeebees in the 3rd, as he gave up a single to opposing pitcher, Jenry Mejia- who's name is driving my spell check insane-- which became RBI fodder for Blose Gayes. Gayes in turn became run fodder for Carlos (the shitty Carlos) Beltran and his home run into right field that went sailing right at a woman with a baby. 2-3. Bwuuuuh.
After The Big Piece sent a sexual arc of jizz over the left field wall to tie it up the very next inning, Roy basically just said "fuck this, you can all suck my sick. Especially you, Mejia" when he knocked in 2 ribbies with a bases-loaded single. BOOYAH, PRICK!
Victorino smacked one in to make it a comfortable 6-3.
Here's a photo of Chase Utley just after he hit one to Utley's Corner in the 7th as he leaves a dildo for Josh Thole to play with as he rounds the bases.
One more run scored on a beaned Valdez in a bases loaded situation later that inning. The mutts went through about 40 pitchers that inning and we all had a hardy laugh. Weak.
Durbin and Mad Dog both got called in for work and, aside from a run given up from Durby, the job was finished. 8-4. 82-60. Byah. Yep, byah.
COACH SHARKEY'S CORNER
Now, I know I'm speaking for the entire Phillies Phaithful when I say this; Kyle Kendrick, if your fucking testicles don't drop out of that vagina between your legs you might as well move to fucking Kuwait. Today's match-up is exactly the same as it was the last time you pitched in flushing and you aced 'em. If you do not go into this start thinking "hmm, yeah, I guess I've been pitching like a pair of orthopedic shoes stuffed with used tampons. Maybe I'll fucking be a man this time and really deal." then there is no need for you to even show up. Grow 2. Join us. We're waiting. we've been waiting all season for you to really show up. NOW IS THE FUCKING TIME! You know you can pitch, prick. Paint those corners, keep the pitches down. It's citifield, you can get those long fly-outs that would be homers at CBP. Work with it. Be the ball, show the balls. We can't fucking afford bad outing with the knaves on our heels. This is no tome for wimps and losers.
Fuck new york and fuck this piece of shit I type on.