Well, F's, there it fucking is. Roy Fucking Halladay. 20 Wins. The first Phils' starter since Lefty did it back in '82. I was there, my son was there, the moon and the stars were there, the braves where there and--most importantly--their ineptitude was there. The Doc fiercely sliced through the competition with surgical precision not unlike Dr.Giggles to bring The Phucking Fightin' Phils 5 games above the sisterfuckers and inch us that much closer to a division title.
Halladeezy took hill at 7:05pm last night and immediately started to fuck rednecks up. 1-2-3 went the first and it was fucking clear that Roy was taking no shit from any turdlike human shape in a grey and maroon uni from the place where they make you dance your way out of gang rape.
After innings of dominance, Doc did seem to have some trouble hitting his spots come the 5th and 6th inning with runs starting to trickle onto the board. A few lead-off walks and deep counts had the crowd gasping in fear. I'm not trying to diminish his large-cocked feat with WIP-esque detractor drivel. I'm merely giving you, My Loyal Followers, my honest observations. Fuck, the man went 7, whiffed 3, walked 2 and gave up a 3 spot. For any other pitcher this would probably be called "a good night" but I sensed a bit of sweat on the brow of the workhorse. It must be quite the load to carry when walking 2 men in 7 innings is akin to the fucking Yeti walking across the field. It's been a long year and he's fucking carried this club with square shoulders, it's not out of the question that he may be a tad winded this late in the stretch. I think we all, my self included, expect too much from him.
Still, the man being the professional that he is steadied himself and fucking shoved it far up the asses of the cox gang to pave the way to fucking victory. Large testicles.
Jayson Fucking Werth continued his recent trend of slaying vagina pitching last night in the 3rd inning when he broke the scoreboard's cherry and bashed a 3-fucking-run load deep into the seats in left-center. He must be packing on the fucking pounds lately after pounding down all the fucking hoagies. HEEEEEEEEEAAAAT, MOTHERFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKER! Sex.
Not that I'm gonna starve my man, Ra-Fucking-ul Ibanez, over here either. His 2 double night and 2 RBI's in the 7th gave us a nice cozy 5 runs in the 6th. Anyone who was talking about trading this big-beasted ballbag motherfucker back in June should be eating a large bowl of crow dicks right now.
We got a deece 8th inning from Mad Dog with a fucking most crucial inning ending dp ball that opened the door for the sexecutioner, Brad To The Fucking Bone Lidge, to come back for more ravaging of the 9th inning guts. He wet the oppositions dork a little by giving up a lead off base-knock to Derrick Lee but made quick fucking work of the useless fuckin' foes that stood before him. He raised the fucking axe................and down it fucking came on the heads of Nate McLouth, Alex Gonzales, and Rick Wankiel to finish off the show and bring us 5 Phucking games above atl in the division. Boo what?
BOOYAH!.
Here's a photo of your future boss, JSIV. Awwwwwwwww. Don't let this photo fool you, he's a savage motherfucker. Look at him trying to eat that sign that I spent 20 minutes making. What in ingrate. One day when he's old enough to understand, I'll go into his dungeon and tell him about the time we saw Roy Fucking Halladay win his 20th game his first season as a Fightin's. He will then break his chains and snap my neck.
We got big bad buckshooting Roy Oswalt on the fucking hill tonight vs. Tommy Hanson. This is almost finally a fair match-up. Hanson has been good on the road since the break and Os has won his last 7/10 starts. Os is a beast, I'm ready.
I will not be attending tonight's series finale but contributor and Philly punk legend, Chuck Meehate will be in the 400s. I'm not about to blow up his spot and give you his exact location. It would be a fucking zoo...
Fuck new york and sign me a song, you're the piano man and a shitty mets fan.
JSIII
No comments:
Post a Comment