Sorry for another tardy edition. I had a job interview in Jersey this morning and on my way back some fuckmouth truck driver had rear-ended another truck on the Platt Bridge leaving me and many other hard-working citizens up shit's creek. Worry not, no dickhead truckdrivers were injured in the making of this observation.
Well, Followers, that's one fucking series under our sacks thanks to the fucking cocktacular 5-hit, 9k , zero fucking run performance of King Phucking Cole Hamels that brings the franchise it's first sweep in the post-season and our 3rd striaght trip to the NLCS. I tell you it couldn't have fallen on a reds team more begging to be shat upon. It's been a brief but dramatic ride so let's all revel in this win for a moment before the next fucking dickheads get their play charter to out Phucking house.
I watched most of this game on the phone with my friend Roland who grew up a reds fan in rural Kentucky. He emigrated to our fine city a long, long time ago and has since shaken the ridiculous affliction. He made a great observation. Reds games just look like a fucking Klan rally. Nevermind the fact that Cincinatti is pretty much one lynching away from a $100 gift card at Walmart, it was just the "pureness" of the audience. 45,000 white people waving white towels just waiting to tar-and-feather (sexually) man, dog or spouse that got in their way when the reds lost. Which they did. The Queen City is a crying tonight. The bowel movements will come fast and fierce tomorrow. Add this final blow to the Dusty Baker resume of bizarre failure. I guess he can now get back to the set of Weekend At Bernie's 2 and escape the creepy bastion of fair skin. At least a trip to Atlanta isn't in order.
Still I tip my hat the reds for making to the post-season. This is still baseball and we're all still gentlemen here. Except for Scott Rolen. Fuck him. I'm glad he was the final K of this fucking series. But everyone else, really...kudos! You're a young, healthy team that will probably top yer division next season. Feel good you brought your city back into the picture.
Here's great screen shot stolen from the internet of obviously unphased Roy Oswalt. Looks like the wild 3 earned run "shelling" he received by our mighty vanquished didn't chap his cock in the least bit. This fucking photo is probably on 45 thousand blogs right now but a photo of Brandon Phillips holding a douche with a tampon string hangin out surely fucking ain't!
Here's a photo of The Best Second Baseman In the Universe crying after the loss last night. I really want to be able to feel bad for this dude because it really fucking hurts to lose like this, just ask anyone of us to recall 2007. I truly hate to wallow in human misery, I even feel bad form Brooks Conrad after his 3 error outing yesterday which cost the braves the game, but Phillips was asking for this. Brash and outlandish boasting gets you nowhere unless your name is Jimmy Fucking Rollins. Still in my heart I feel a sad tug for you, Brandon. Keep it shut next time or shut us up. Still no crying in shit-talking, ya girl.
Here's what love looks like in a truly platonic atmosphere of a men's locker room. Sweeney, baby! Love this man!
Of course the obligatory jizzpagne shot!
The Clog, F's. will lay dormant for the next few days unless any serious issues need to be addressed. We got a week off until one of those ninny team in the other series finally pulls pud. Saturday the Phucking NLCS starts in my fucking town and I couldn't feel more fucking confident for our Men. It's not like we have to go over this shit again. 1-2-3 buttfucking, Chooch, Mad Dog and Lidgey.....If the bats wake up we're fucking blitzkrieg!
Take a few day to yourself, call in sick maybe. Call your mother, perhaps. Do something nice. Help an old woman have an orgasm across the street. Whatever. Just savor this fucking time. Don't go turning smug on me and keep an eye peeled on the street for edition 2 of The Big Sharkey Show's printed hate-shits in the Philadelphia Weekly. This paid analyst couldn't have done it with out you, my 39 Followers!
Fuck new york and oh yeah....
I still got it.