I think we all know where this edition is headed, Followers.
"If I was Roy Halladay my locker would be cleaned out, I would retire. A post-season no-hitter?... I'm out!" - Mitch Fucking Williams
"The greatest moment in Philadelphia Sports History." - Michael Jack Schmidt
"Roy Halladay had the LARGEST dick in the history of the known universe. We are all lucky to see him use it." - John Sharkey III, paid analyst for the Philadelphia Weekly
What fucking else can you really say about this super-human, sack of ages feat? Every person watching that game last night watched history unfold, pitch-by-pitch. They watched a game they will all remember and one day regale their stupid grandkids with at family get-togethers or in jail.
9 innings. 28 batters. 104 Pitches 8 K. 1 BB. ZERO FUCKING HITS. Again. ROY. PHUCKING. HALLADAY. Motherfucker even drove in the 2nd run of the game. M.A.N. Shane Victorino's hard-nosed ball-bangers and a few totally shakey innings by reds start Edinson Volquez was all the support necessary. 4-0 would read the board for 7 innings and end that fucking way.
Regardless of how butt-hurt some of the reds may you cannot detract from the moment. It was actually historical, not poppycock fat chewing. Everyone alive in Philadelphia that supports the P was a part of it. I know, mushy sentimental crapola from the man you come to for just the opposite. Enjoy it, it doesn't happened often. Just ask Don Larsen, the last large nutter to toss a perfect post-season game back in '52. Breathe it in. Get high like pcp high. Go out and fight 8 fucking cops. It's cool. They watched the fucking game, too. They can tell you it was like watching Metallica record Master Of Puppets. Even better. Yeah, I said it. Even Phucking better.
I wonder how many new goofy t-shirts I'm going to be tempted to buy commemorating this event. Probably 4 or 5 for me, folks. That's just how I roll. I love t-shirts.
Tonight we can sit back and watch some other fucking teams play and not really care too much aside from the knaves/sf outcome. My advice, get sexy tonight with someone you care about or don't care about. Unwind with a bottle of wine, some anal beads and some nitrous poppers. Relax and don't fall asleep concussed. That ends poorly.
Fuck new york and go to Modells and buy something with Halladay's name on it. For our future. The future of Mankind. GO PHILLIES!