May 1 2010 PHI v METS Game 2. Roy Deals, Shane Seals

Good morning, Followers. You must've taken notice by now of the enormous youth Trade-N-Card of your editor perched high above the mighty writings as the new face of The Big Sharkey Show. You can still see the scar on my upper-lip due to some asshole running into me in the school yard and biting it off a year prior (fucker). I figured if I was gonna try to win over the charms of those surrounding me at the National Library of Australia I would at least give them some good stroke material. First things first, you jack it then read it, OK? But since the goddamn place is closed until 1pm on Sundays I was forced to listen to the game with At Bat in the wog palace. Not a bad look considering I'd take the sultry sounds of L.A. over Wheels any day of the season. The Sarge needs the fulltime gig. So, before we go into todays game I'd like to share with you the back of said Trade-N-Card. After not seeing this thing for 21 years it kinda knocked me on my bottom (a word mid-wives use to describe where they speak from) when I read the reverse:


Favorite Pro: RICKY FUCKING JORDAN. That's right. 7 years old. I had good taste even in '89 and if anyone needs some good portraits done I'm sure Wayne could use the business. Alright, let's get to the meat of this crapola.....


The first day of May, Followers, and it already shows. The doldrum days of April have come and gone and we're back to form. Roy "Death Dealer" Halladay threw his 3rd complete game of the season like a mah' and the Big Pelf got sat down pretty fucking quick. It was a great response to yesterdays pasting we recieved by the mets gentle hand (I refuse to capitalize "mets" from here on in, it's the principle of the thing).

I, in typical depressing fashion, arose at 5am this morning to stream the radio feed like a good little dingus. A "tight pitchers duel" (which to me has the appeal of the new Train single) ensued for the first 3-and-a-half until the bats wakey-wakey'd in bottom of the 4th, a large inning. Utley mutedly hit a soft one to Reyes at short who fumbled around like a child in the snow for the ball and came up weak. Then Howard smacked a one-sacker to right. The Rooster takes the plate and pops a sure out for Pagan or Francoure into right center only to have his second-basemen, Alex Cora, come and fuck it all up deflecting the ball off his glove. Utley took a chance by not tagging up and it paid off. Chut scores on that boo-boo. Rual beefs it swinging sending up Juan Castro, a man who's done pretty swimmingly in the way of filling in for J-roll these past few outings.He flogs a double into right sending Big Piece and Rooster home. 3-0. Chooch and Death Dealer Halladay both single but Castro gets pegged at home trying to score by mets centerfielder, Angel Pagan. This brings up Victorino with 2 on, 2 out. The man they say has lost a step in the offense depot can give everyone the big flying bird because he delivered the deal-sealing, 3 run death blow by going yard on Big Turd. 6-0. Polanco grounds out to end the melee. Bye-bye Big Face. Up next on the mound for new york is Raul Valdez, clearly no match for my boy Utley who immediately smacks a double, clearly snapping his little slump and making this his first multi-hit game since the Braves series. Howard pops out, Rooster walks, men on the corners for Raul. It just becomes abusive at this point when Raul beats a triple out of Valdez clearing the bases. 8-0. The boys smack in 2 more for an end result of 10-0 Phils. The Doc shut 'em out with his 3rd complete of the year and his 5th win in red stripes (actually it was in cream alt colors but whatever, blow me). This was necessary. Moyer takes the rubber tomorrow with a chance to take the series. Bring it home!

Right now if the Nationals win they will sit in 1st place for the day. Willie Dee wants to know what the fuck is going on in this goddamn world?

Tomorrow the game is being shown live on espn here meaning I won't be going to the National Library so keep holding your breath, Followers. I WILL have the snapshots of the kid-fingering flankers that clog the seats of the internet lounge of the NLA in the coming week. If you really have hankering for people that look like kiddy-diddlers you could always just go to the Yo La Tengo myspace and look in their photo section.

What I may offer you, my mighty Followers, is a video of me fucking with my neighbor's "curb-guards" I guess you could call them. See photo below. This asshole places bricks and shingles on his curbside so people won't drive close to his piece of shit tree thats 4 feet away. The street is like 4 feet wide. I have been making sculptures with the bricks and shingles all week in the evening so that when they come home from work they find a house or little igloo waiting for them in front of their stupid tree that won't grow anyway because the only thing that grows in Canberra is contempt. I would like to convince these people they have a curse or hex on their house so tomorrow night I'm going to go rearrange the bricks in a long black, druid-like cloak around 10 pm. If my wife can still walk she'll be filming it. Maybe one of these dummies will catch me and try to stop me? Probably not. We'll see but until then fuck new york and teach your children well. BOOYAH!

















fuck this

JSIII

Willie Dee photo: ???
Halladay + Shane photos: Getty Images
All other photos : Big John