Friday, April 30, 2010

Apr 30 2010 PHI v METS Game 1. Kendrick.....What A Fucking Nightmare

Presently I feel I'm ready for the day I catch my son jerking-off to gay porn. Nothing could be more demoralizing than watching the Phils lose this fucking bad to the Mets. This morning started off so promising, too. I woke up to a false labor alarm from the wife. That was fun and not stressful at all. Then I get to my beautiful vestige of sanity/den of molesters, The National Library of Australia, just as the game starts to see that Kyle Kendrick got through the first inning without giving up 8 runs. Good thing I only had to wait about 5 minutes for the Backstreet Boys loving slop chucker to give up a 2 run homerun to David Wright after a Jason Bay double and then another solo dinger to Francoure to give the 'Cans a 3-0 lead in the top of the second. We battled back by getting a whopping 1 run of an rbi single from Ruiz who seems to be the only player doing his fucking job besides Jayson Werth but it was all for naught. It was hit after hit for our foes up the turnpike and missed opportunities a plenty for the Fightin's. Frigid bats and first-pitch ground outs littered the bottom half of every inning at the CBP. It was abusive just watching it. I left the the child rapists and drove home after the 7th inning when reliever Danys Baez plunked Francoure on the elbow harder than times 29 then allowing the score line to soar to 7-1 as a result of the porkers taking advantage of it. I return to my wog palace only to see the score jumped even further over the cliff to 9-1 after the triumphant return of Brad "lights-off" Lidge. If feeling healthy = giving up a homer to the first batter you face all year then I never want a healthy closer again. The bats are gonna have to wakey-wakey, hands off snakey soon or we're in danger of digging a hole we can't claw our way out of. We can't keep relying on mercurial mound appearances and the long ball (which is playing the best game of hide-and-go-fucking-seek I've ever been privvy to). I just hope the return of Big Joe Blanton and J.A. Happ will reinvigorate the pitching staff to a modicum of success or we're gonna be in for a long summer, followers.

Much like a gay son, though, I still love my boys. They just really threw me for a loop today. I ain't mad atcha. It's still FUCKING APRIL! Not a reason fret just a bad outting. We can still win this series. Tommorow is another (Halla)day but right now life is shit. I guess I can go rub my pregnant wife's sore back or some dumb shit like that.

On a further depressing note I took a few snapshots of Canberra anti-drinking n' driving signs that are strewn around town. These really make the movie Moving Violations (1985, John Murray, Jennifer Knockers) seem like a grim reality.

I LOL'd at this BS. Notice the "Nigga Plz" lightly scrawled at the bottom. It really lights up at night in the shine of headlights. Kudos Canberran wiggers!

This has never happened to me. Ever.

Ok, this is just down-right morbid. I mean, I understand the median age of people in the ACT is 86 and you need to drive everywhere so most of these old fucks are going to die driving poorly but this sign is just a real dick move. You think some 97 year old who'd just lost his 79 year old son to a "I shit my pants behind the wheel" accident is going to want to be reminded of that the next time he gathers enough strength to haul his ass into the Holden?

I will soon post photos of the kid-fuckers that flank me daily at the National Library so sit tight my dear followers. I got like 3 in my first day! Keep alive and I'll see you all tomorrow for game 2. I wonder if my baby will come but for now fuck New York and eat some food.



  1. I cant wait for the photos of the flankers

  2. This game was so heinous to watch that I decided to sleep on it first before commenting.
    I am trying to rationalize by figuring that the Phillies rotation has taken a hit due to injuries and that any team losing their 3rd and 4th starters are going to be impacted and things will stabilize when Blanton and Happ work their way back in. However, at this point I really think the decision to trade off Cliff Lee was a huge mistake. Given a Phils lineup consisting of streaky hold/cold batters to a man, the pitching has to be able to hold it down during the offensive down times (remember the near 2 month shutdown in summer 2008?) and the pitching depth is not there. The prevailing take going into this season was Halladay would be the stopper, Hamels bounceback and Happ fallback (basically trading places in 2010 from 2009), Blanton anchoring the rotation in the middle with the 5th starter open ended and patchable if Kendricks and Moyer couldnt cut it. As mentioned, losing the guts of your rotation will hurt any team, but leaves the Phillies particularly vulnerable and at a disadvantage. Its obvious that Kendrick just cant cut it in MLB and surely will be heading to Lehigh Valley and as mentioned, things should look up when Blanton and Happ come back, which leaving Cole Hamels as the puzzle and possibly the Phillies most pivotal player. With the Cards, Giants, Padres and (sad to say) Mets seemingly having
    a leg up on the pitching, if Hamels remains stuck in his rut and Happ falls back, the Phillies will be rolling with a rotation of an ace, a #3 guy and 3 4-5th starters. Combine that with a bullpen currently in disarray and suspect when healthy, a worst case scenario could result in them reverting back to the 2003-2006 era and if not, they will still be at a disadvantage during the post season. It looks like we just have to cross our fingers and hope this rotation gets healthy and can deliver steady quality starts, particularly during the periods when the offense wanes. So, this current series is still in play. Doc is on the hill today and the Phillies have had success against Santana.
    Go Phils

  3. Chuck, the Lee trade was essential to RESTOCK THE FUCKING FARM SYSTEM. Okay, I'm going to go shoot myself now.