Thursday, April 29, 2010

Introductory Paragraphs

photo by my stupid wife

Good day and Welcome to the first installment of THE BIG SHARKEY SHOW. Seeing as I am currently an unemployed sack I decided to devote my time not to the coming birth of my first child, the embetterment of the species or finding a job but to the only thing that matters in this smited world: The Philadelphia Phillies. I'm no expert or Sabermatrician virgin but I am funnier than 90% of the world's population and you will laugh at my words. The fact that at least 20% of the world speaks Mandarin doesn't hurt my standing, either.

A few things the editor would like to you know about himself.....

My name is John Sharkey III. I'm 28. Married. I like dogs, jackets, going to the gym, my Arab wife and Baseball. Delco by way of Philadelphia. Phillies fan since I was sliced out. I now am serving time in Canberra, ACT in Australia AKA Where Dreams And People Go To Die. It's truly the worst place I've ever been to let alone lived. Seriously, it makes Gary, IN look like Narnia. Here every driver is secretly a 16 year old Chinese girl driving to her first lesson and every man, once hitting age 50, turns in a whining entitlement monster content to spend the rest of his days standing in queue (line in American) complaining that his missus is being un-australian or that the queer behind tha counter talks to much, cunt. Simply, don't visit me.

Basically what's going to happen on this blog is on game day I'm going to wake up at either 6, 9,10am or noon, put on my clothes and drive to the National Library Of Australia to watch the Phils play on and then write about it. Simple. The reason I have to watch at the library while surrounded by pedophiles and Euros and Asians using online dating sites is because the internet in Australia is comparable to elderly coitus. I can't get a decent stream at my awful house. Really, this is all I have in my stupid life.

I'll see you all bright and early tomorrow as The Fightin's start a 3 game homestand against the Mets @ 7pm EST/ 9am fucking here. The next installment if I'm not bleeding to death should be shortly after the last out.
Until then Fuck New York and brush your teeth.


No comments:

Post a Comment